Starting our movie we see it is brought to us by FVI. Original title is The Stranger. This time the credits are from Prisoners of the Lost Universe. This was originally made to be a TV movie, and released on other ways by way of FVI. Our movie starts with two people in a space shuttle IN SPACE! They talk about their ship having some sort of trouble, but they won’t be able to be rescued for another seven days. They joke about one of the men wanting to sleep with his new wife. They start to talk more, but then their ship hits turbulence in space and the ship goes flying. The screen gets blurry, but then we cut to a hospital. We see our hero Stryker asking for a room with a view and the newspaper. He’s been cut off for two weeks and the doctor gives some bullcrap explanation about not being emotionally well.

One of the men on the ship died and the other is not exposed yet. We see a two-way mirror that has two men spying on them. Stryker suspects that they’re Russian, but the doctor denies it. Stryker talks about talking in his sleep and dreaming about his life. Stryker is heavily suspicious when Boston is brought up. The Doctor and one of the observers talk about inspecting him and how suspicious he is. The observer is monitoring his dreams, but the doctor is just asking him. They’re trying to find out about the space program and personal things about him. Are they Russians?

Regardless Stryker escapes when one of the guys tries to give him an injection and he runs into men trying to hinder his escape. He hides in a science room that they don’t bother to check. He takes a doctor’s clothes and he scares away a nurse. The nurse tells on him, but he’s already escaped through a back door elevator. The guards shoot up the elevator, but he wasn’t in there. Stryker somehow escaped and he talks on the phone about a general in charge or Orlando’s space base. The person on the other end knows none of those things. He was also shot, but I forgot about it as quick as the movie did. He hitchhikes and asks the guy if he knows about Earth. The drive says no and a commercial break. Then we see out villain talking about Stryker to a boardroom meeting. They say he’s from another planet despite him looking and talking exactly like them. He is called a dangerous mental patient to the regular people and the doctor insists that he be caught alive. The villains though says the Perfect Order should kill him because one man can change the course of history. Space Commies! The villain thinks that the Doctor is going to betray the Perfect Order so he is had to take a rest. Back in the car they were apparently driving all night. On a humorous note everyone in this world is left-handed. Then the Space Commie anthem plays everyday. They give a quick announcement about who Stryker is on the radio so he gets out of the car. He goes to a bookstore where he asks for a book about the planet named Terra. He is given a history book and he finds that it’s only 35 years old. The old librarian laments about the older days, but he snaps back and says the current Perfect Order is good. The old librarian gives him a bed to rest in, but when he goes to nap the librarian calls the doctors on him. Stryker patches up his wound and the nurse who tattled on him. He tells her everything there is to know about him and she stays quiet. She says they’ll treat him like a honored guest when a makes a full recovery and he agrees to come back on the condition that he turn himself in to the hospital. He gets in the car and they drive for a while. They stop in the middle of the woods and he admits he lied so he could get away and into a car. The nurse puts on the car phone and the villain hears everything. A car drives by so Stryker distracts them by kissing her.

She slaps him then flees the car instead of trying to knock him out. He wants to go to the closest thing to a capitalist land, but the nearest thing is the hospital. She says they treat the mental patients, but when she brings up her brother she shuts up until he insists. He was essentially a freedom writer, but that’s considered insane. The nurse tuns off the phone because she changed her mind I guess. They drive more and we learn her name is Tina. The villain does a background check on her, but she gets a call. The villain admits to answering to someone and then we see a guy feeding pigs. Man the Perfect Order has an odd chain of command. No this is just some guy that Tina knows. The old guy jokes about pigs being spies and then we seeing the villain’s actual bosses. His boss butters him up, but then he brings up Stryker. They talk about catching him and that it shall be a permanent mark on his clean record.

There is talk of the two planets happening around at the same time and that they are parallel to the other planet. Then there’s watching security cameras. They are supposed to be friends of Tina, but they don’t have a camera in the old guy’s house. We learn that the Perfect Order outlawed religion and that the PO just showed up one day. The young people who apposed the PO are sent to Ward E and are vanished essentially. Then we see the villain go to Ward E to find the doctor. The doctor refuses to speak to the villain and he ignores everything he asks. We see a scar on his head that he was told by the nurse he was considered no further use so they completely lobotomized him.

Stryker talks to the old man about stealing a spaceship to escape the planet and return to Earth. Luckily the old man has all the books to run the ships, but he’s also a drug addict so he has a small withdrawal attack. He has a year left to live and became that way because of being in Ward E. Also Stryker and Ina are instantly in love. She drives off after the kiss and is captured by the villain to find out where Stryker is and they cut to another commercial. The old man gives Stryker a fake name of Alan Drake and says that he wasn’t registered yet. I’m surprised they haven’t recognized him yet considering that these are guards around a space station. They get to the station and the old guy ahs another withdrawal attack so he ahs to get another vial or else he’d be useless. He gets in his car so I guess that he needs to go all the way home, HE DOES! JESUS CHRIST! If he has to go all the way home why not bring some of the crap with you! The villains beat the crap out of Tina and they interrogated her. Maybe they raped her, but I’m not sure. Why are they talking when he has to shoot up, go back, and help Stryker go back to Earth! It’s almost like the plotline of him being a drug addict was worthless. Also Stryker standing out in the hall where people could easily identify him. Someone does so Stryker knocks him out and doesn’t steal his uniform. The old guy returns to the base as Tina follows him and informs to the villains, which leads to a commercial break. By the way I forgot to mention you could clearly see the commercial fades. Styker knocks out the astronaut and takes his uniform.
On a personal note at least Terra has the same gun manufacturers (thats is either a Mauser C96 or the Chinese copy the Shansi Type 17. The stuff you learn for video games!)
Also it sounds like Tina calls Stryker “Neo” despite his first name being Neil. The villain has thoughts if he fails so he confides in his buddy Henry to take over if they send him to Ward E. Tina and Stryker have a ‘heartfelt’ moment, but really it’s just padding and tension. Everyone uses Plymouth Furies apparently on Terra. Old man stupidly shouts “NEIL!” and knocks loudly when he sees the villain. Our hero runs down a boiler room with the villain in chase. Why doesn’t he move? He just sits around waiting to shoot people instead of running. The villain got shot in the arm and Stryker threatens to shoot a gas tank that would kill them all. He jumps off the building into an ocean as the area explodes wounding many and probably killing more. Apparently Tina was lobotomized maybe. The villain wants the corpse found and he drops the bracelet Stryker had. He wakes up on a beach and collapses in the sand. Then he gives us an ending narration when three guys find him. This seems like the start of a TV pilot. The end. Opening skit is Joel turning the bots into a shooting gallery. Not that funny. Both inventions are a variation of the Bang! Gun. Joel’s is an uzi, machete, and dynamite. The Mads is a harpoon gun, nunchuck, and plunger. Next skit is Tom and Crow arguing over there “Tropper’s TV Trading Cards”. Cards based on mediocre TV shows. Not that funny. Next skit is Tom making cookies, Crow had a nightmare about him and Joel wearing weird costumes, and they bring up Ward E from the movie. They give disgusting or odd thing to describe it. Not funny. Next skit is evil mastermind Joel and his hench-Bots planning to kill all of TVs famous detectives. I guess that was kind of funny. The maniacal laughing was fun. The last skit is Joel and Crow trying to sell Stranded in Space as a movie to Tom as a TV series. The Mads compare the similarities between mad science and show business. Not funny. Crow describes the movie as The Fugitive meets Logan’s Run. That is a way to describe it, but that would only work if it were actually a good movie. The movie is slow and boring. It has a good idea, but it’s paced so slowly and it seems too realistic. You could easily set this is Russia and all you’d have to do is give some accents. This seems too Earthly which I guess was the goal considering that it’s Earth’s parallel, but it just didn’t work. It’s hard to explain. The episode and skits aren’t all that funny. Very few lines give me chuckles and I only found the evil men sketch funny because of the evil laughs. The end of the movie had good riffs, but hey. Better late than never. I would not recommend it. It took me 5 episodes to find a bad episode. Great record.
Episode Rating – 3/10
Movie Rating – 3/10
Favorite Riff – “I smell a rat. A big, commie rat!” “Can I get some borsch Dr. Stalin?!”
Stinger – Stryker gets slapped.

Yet another Gamera movie. Now in color! Has series won me over yet? Probably not. The movie starts with Gamera escaping the Plan Z rocket, which was hit by a meteor. Also apparently the first movie happened six months prior. He falls down to Earth and attacks a power plant/dam for energy. Then he just flies off. I can only imagine Kenny flipping out about this. However he decides to destroy the dam thus killing lord knows how many people. Then Gamera takes a dirt nap in a volcano. He’s ignored for most of the movie. Then we see two dudes flying a plane. One of the guys talks about quitting so he can gain more experience in flying. Then four or five people in kimonos being covered by branches playing sitars. Then in the next room we see three dudes standing around a table with grenades and guns. The pilot from before enters and talks about working with them to own his own aircraft company. The leader talks about an opal the size of an ostrich egg he hid in a jungle before going to a POW camp. The other guys are skeptic, but they agree due to the possible wealth. They get fake identities and talk about their plan. Don’t know why they’re making such a big deal about this. Next shot us them working on the ship where they’re bossed around by Japanese Mr. T. Then they show up to an island were we are greeted by a lovely group of dancers who are sadly scared away by the helicopter they took.
I’ve always been hesitant about islands in movies, but I can get behind this one.
The trio meets up with the natives and a very beautiful Asian native speaks English/Japanese depending on your version. They meet a doctor who loves the land and the Asian girl Karen is his assistant. The doctor tells them to never go near the cave and its name is Rainbow Valley. The people are forbidden to go there and they all die if they go. Supposedly an evil spirit lives there, but the men ignore them. One of the men fires some warning shots and they run off into the jungle. Then we see the men in the cave and they find the opal and man is it impressive. Then the guy who found it was killed by a scorpion. His death is indeed very funny. Also Jesus Christ that wound infects quickly. In a moment from swelling it turns purple and gets many rashes. This upsets the pilot, but the other guy doesn’t mind due to having the opal and being able to split it more. Our pilot obviously doesn’t trust him with the opal so he asks for the gun. The jerk/obvious evil guy walks off to look for more jewels and the pilot continues to mourn and finds a picture of the dead man’s wife and son. As the pilot continues to mourn the evil guy lights up the grenades via fuse and they explode. The pilot wakes up at the village…making me wonder how he got there considering that they don’t go into the jungle and cave. E looks out the window to see them praying. The doctor comes in and he talks about the opal and the fact that it isn’t an opal. The opal burns out of the bag holding it and it starts become white and yellow with heat. It moves around and it breaks open to show a small lizard like monster. This is baby Barugon. We see the man who took the opal playing cards on the boat and the boat begins to shake violently as Barugon breaks a hole in the ship. This is on the water and it shall contradict what we know later. Then the boat explodes as the people jump off. The man lies to the person who hired them saying his brother (the pilot) died with the man with the family. Barugon becomes giant sized and comes from the water once again confusing me because of reasons later explained. Barugon is different from the Godzilla monster Baragon, but not by very much. They have very similar names and have very lizard like appearances. While Baragon has next to no powers, Barugon has some cool stuff up his sleeve. He has a horn, long and spiked tail, has an extending tongue, and he can even shoot ice from his count to parallel Gamera. He has another attack, but that’s a secret.

Barugon and Baragon. Two totally different monsters.
The brother wants to wait for the monster to leave, but the other man wants to go now. The brother wants to leave, but the man is very insistence. The man admits to killing two men for some reason and the brother gets furious and starts beating him with his crutch. They get into a struggle until the man wounds the brother and his wife. He takes the money from the apartment and runs. Barugon arrives in Osaka and starts destroying it. The military arrives to stop him, but you all know how well that goes. He freezes all the tanks and Barugun starts messing around. And freezes everything in sight including the Osaka Castle pagoda. Same pagoda that was crushed by Anguirus in Godzilla Raids Again. Don’t know if I’d rather watch this movie or that one. He freezes a bunch of planes and they amusingly keep flying for a bit. The military talks for a bit and they pan to defeat him for a distance with some missiles behind him where he can’t be hit by the tongue or ice. Barugon wakes up and is alerted to their presence. Then he shoots rainbows out his back, which completely destroys the missiles. That’s right. He shoots rainbows out his back. That’s something I admittedly love about Gamera movies. The monsters are so random and have the weirdest/coolest powers and designs.

Gamera is attracted to heat so he flies towards Barugon to get to the rainbow beam. Then we see the footage of people suffering, ripping off the scene from Godzilla. Then Karen and the pilot show up to get the opal/egg back, but they see Gamera. Karen immediately faints and says she arrived to late when she saw Barugon. Karen thankfully knows how to stop Barugon so they leave. The man tries to run off with some money, but the pilot catches him at the apartment so they start fighting. Also the brother and wife were killed in the Barugon attack. Karen and the pilot beat him for a bit until they get bored I guess. They tie the man up and leave him to die I guess. Then Karen cries in his wound I guess. I just realized that everyone looks like they have bright red eyes. Karen tells them how Barugon is weakened, loses power, and dies in water. Making me wonder how he survived when he erupted from the ship and into the water. Nevertheless they decide to lure him into the water with a very large diamond because he apparently loves bright jewels. They decide to go with the plan. Then the guy gets saved by some lady and he hears of the radio announce the plan. Wise move. Also the diamond is 5000 carrot. Barugon get bored I guess so he does back to Osaka. The military general berates them for failing. Then a doctor shows up to help with fighting Barugon. He reveals that Barugon was exposed to inferred rays in his egg, which hatched him prematurely and grew to his size ten years early. They expose the diamond to inferred rays to lure sucessfuly lure Barugon. They stall the process by making it rain on Barugon thus weakening him severally so he can’t use his ice breath. They shoot Barugon with a ray powered by the diamond and hope for the best. They shoot the ray and it attracts Barugon. He follows them, but the ray short circuits and the lights stop working. They turn the lights back on and it attracts him again. The man gets mad and goes to steal the gem. They get to the water, but the idiot villain steals the diamond and he gets into the water. Barugon is attacks him and eats him and the gem with his tongue. With no options left they try to produce more rain to paralyze Barugon again. They find a remnant mirror from the jeep that was destroyed by Barugon’s rainbow beam. They decide to make a giant mirror to reflect back at Barugon. They theorize that the rainbow will defeat Barugon so they enact the plan. They bother him with some missiles and the rainbow beam does indeed wound him. However he is not dead so they all despair that nothing can kill it. Then at the nick of time Gamera shows up to fight Barugon. Gamera was apparently frozen by Barugon (which I think they didn’t show) so they fight bow, Gamera throws him in the water and before he can fight back Gamera starts to drown him, Also ALL THE BLOOD! Sure its all purple, but it’s still spurting everywhere! Gamera brings him to the bottom and drowns him.

This also cements Gamera’s role as Earth’s hero. Karen and the pilot have more romantic talk and they mention that greed shouldn’t lead people. The pilot admits loneliness now that his brother and friend are dead so I assume he stays in the village with Karen.
Opening skit is Tom and Crow debating MAC (Tom) or PC (Crow). I’m more of a MAC guy, but PC is gaming from what I’ve heard. It’s a little funny. Invention exchange is a Soda Can Animation for recycling commercials for Joel and the Disco Cumber-Bubble-Bund for the Mads. The Mads is pretty funny. TV’s Frank should be the new face of hip-hop. Next skit is a toy set with 5000 pieces of soldiers, helpless individuals, and many, many more. There’s also a monster specialty pack with Gamera that shoots real fire and inflicts real pain, Barugon with ram tongue action (surprising that they brought him up considering that it wasn’t seen or mentioned yet in the movie), and many more that shoot fire. Also many, many, many, many, and many more things in the movie. Very funny. Next skit is dumb. Tom and Crow are giant monsters on a girl’s night going to a TGI Fridays in Japan. Not all that funny. Next skit is Joel and the bots talking about the drive in theaters and they name the stars in Gamera vs. Barugon. He mentions Willem Defoe a lot and he shows the same actor several times. Kind of funny. Final skit is Joel and the Bots talking about Gamera’s novels. He apparently worked behind the camera more according to Joel. Unfunny. This shouldn’t have been a Gamera movie. It should have been like the first Rodan and Mothra movie or Varan the Unbelievable. Just have it called Barugon (maybe add a subtitle), cut all traces of Gamera (which isn’t much), and alter the ending so Barugon is killed by his own rainbow beam. Then it would be perfectly fine. As a Gamera movie though it lacks a lot of Gamera. Thankfully it lacks the annoying little kids. It’s honestly my favorite of the Gamera movie so I’d recommend it. The episode is all right. Not as good as the first one, but still good. The skits were hit or miss, but the jokes in the episode were mostly funny. I’d recommend it.
Episode Rating – 7/10
Movie Rating – 9/10
Favorite Riff – “Aw shoot I should have been out of the cave first! What was I thinking? Note to myself. Get out of cave before blowing it up.”
Stinger – The doomed treasure seeker freaks out (at first with joy, then with pain and terror) as a deadly poisonous scorpion stings him.

Yet another FVI movie. Original title is Extra Terrestrial Visitors. This time they have Galaxy Invader playing in the beginning. The credits show a land version of the creature from the black lagoon killing people.

Starring Ian Sera. Shouldn’t the main man be an actor with balls (Reference to the director’s other film Pieces which I doubt many of you have seen)? Our movie starts with a meteor crashing into the Earth. Then the foggiest set since Slime People. We see some poachers get out of a car going to hunt bird eggs. One of them has a huge beard, mullet, and a crossbow. My kind of guy. Then we see a kid woken up by his cat and he looks out his telescope to see the crashing meteor. This movie seriously just jumped from the poachers to the kid. This movie has three intertwining stories. One of the poachers left to get a ladder and looks at the meteor. He goes inside and sees a bunch of eggs. For some reason he crushes them instead of bringing them back to his poacher buddies. Then he’s killed by an off screen alien. He left with the truck too so the other poachers think he betrayed them and they flee the scene. The off screen alien walks out and starts to wander the forest. Cut to poachers trying to hunt for deer to eat. The alien wanders through the fog and they don’t the truck. Correction. This movie is foggier than Slime People. Cut to a cabin where we see the kid from the telescope scene looking at a centipede while eating breakfast. He’s smart so he throws a scientific term and his uncle starts being an ass. Then the weirdest edit ever. He’s eating, then a recorder playing loud music. It just cuts. This is plot C. A music group doing music stuff and the interworking of their relationship. Then they cut back to a panning shot of the forest. The guys try to hunt again, but they stop when they see rangers. Then an immediate cut back to the music. This movie has the weirdest editing. Also we hear the great song “Hear the Engines Roll Now”. We also see the greatest extra ever. A guy with a stupid haircut and a shirt that says, “I’m a Virgin”. Is it wrong I want that shirt so bad? The song goes on for a bit until it ends. When asked what he thinks our lead singer says, “It stinks!” while giving the okay sign.
It stinks!
Also I think dubbers from Rats are in the movie. The fem singers, the music manager, lead singer, and valley girl go camping. Then the blonde guy also working the sound and I’m a Virgin guy are never seen again. The real heroes of the movie. They decided not to be in it. Then we see the kid for a second and immediately cut back to the lead singer chatting with his girlfriend who shall be called Red. Music man and Blue 1 is a couple, and Blue 2 was hitting on blonde guy. Valley girl wants to take the lead singer Rick. I love how they sensor all the cursing by just taking out the dialog. “What got into that ___” Insert the obvious curse. It around curses like mad so there’s a lot of just silenced dialog. Also this movie is so not appropriate for kids despite being an ET rip off. There’s frequent talk off sleeping with each other and there’s the line, “Who can compete with boobs like that!” They all make up and get on the road. We see the kid wander the woods and here the running gag. They list of random names, but always end with Tom saying “Chief!?” and Crow saying “McCloud!?” Then we see the people driving in their RV through the woods with crappy music. This movie is very unfocused. Hopefully they won’t run into Nazi bikers. We could fit in another eighteen sub plots. Then we see the kid walk into the meteor and he takes the last egg that wasn’t destroyed. He sees the dead poacher with white dots on his forehead and then runs off. Back to the camper of rock where they collect firewood. The Valley girl tries to seduce Rick, but he tries to resist her advances. A bush shakes. Cut to the kid for a second, and then back to the camper of rock. They’re eating food and drinking coffee by the fire. The Boy Scout way. Everyone acting likes a ___ to the valley girl and after being a jerk herself she splashes coffee on her. She runs into the woods and she’s almost captured by one of the poachers. For some reason. I guess they want some sex. She falls down a cliff why fleeing after seeing the alien. The alien taps her forehead and I guess she’s dead. The two poachers run away and into the woods. They drive off to the woods and we see the kid going to sleep with the egg in his bed with him. So some damn reason, Wait a sec…This is the same room from Pieces! The RV stops and they see the cabin of our little kid. It’s apparently the middle of the night despite it being day outside. They are let in and we see the phone isn’t working. The phone not working, the fact that its supposedly night, fog is all over the damn forest, the roads are blocked, and there’s a killer alien and poachers around. This sounds like a horror film. The kid gets into bed to see the alien hatch and make a mess all over his bed. Cut back to the poachers and they’re drinking by the fire. They hear the alien and we finally get a good look at the alien. It’s…no not tiny Snuffaluffagus, but close. Actually the movie describes it best. A cross between a pig and a bear. Needles to say it looks cool. They try to get it closer so they can catch it. They get a net around it, but it escapes easily due to its strength. Then crossbow man shoots it and runs off. The little kid (Tommy) gives milk and cereal to the tiny version of the alien, which he is calling Trumpy. Okay during the cutaway Trumpy grows to adult size. Also Valley Girl died and has tiny white dots on her head.

Then we see Trumpy petting the kitty and talking about how he wants to eat the little potatoes in (Crow doing a voice for Trumpy and the potatoes are the animals in the kids room). A Robot toy turns on and makes noise so Trumpy blows it up! Hey! It just wanted the Golden Ninja Warrior back! I’m having a blast with this review! More scenes of Trumpy and Tommy having fun.

Trumpy and Tommy play with a puzzle and a Simon Says toy. Then Trumpy makes space music with the Simon Says. Trumpy and Tommy keep playing with things. Apparently the aliens came from Orion’s Belt. Trumpy makes the telescope see Africa. Then Trumpy does magic things by turning lights on and off, having this move around in stop motion and makes things defy gravity. This scene is a lot of fun. Then Trumpy ends up on the ceiling then teleports back on the ground.

Music guy and the Uncle drive off to the ranger’s cabin. One of the girls says if she doesn’t act perky she’ll be in hysterics. Hell that’ll explain my jokey attitude in most situations. Trumpy goes missing and we cut back to the Music Guy and Uncle. They get to the cabin where they find the crossbow poacher dead with the same white dots. “His last words were, hazza.” Then the alien shows up and kills the music guy. Well Plot A is wrapped up. The poachers are all dead! Oh yeah the other one was killed back at the campsite a few scenes ago. Back at the house the mom and Blue 1 or 2 chats for a bit. Rick walks into the scene and once again tries to call for help, but it fails. Blue 1 or 2 goes to the RV to get some makeup to hit on possible rangers. Then we see her getting killed by one of the aliens. Maybe Trumpy. I get it. Sometimes we just need to blow off some steam. I watch the last episode of Berserk, Trumpy kills people. Except it most certainly doesn’t look like it judging by the van movements. Uncle returns and shoots at the alien in the fog. Tommy runs off in the woods to find Trumpy. The people argue for a bit, but it amounts to “We should leave!” “No we shouldn’t”. Then the Uncle and Rick talk over drinks. Rick gets pissed at the Uncle and he shoots a bottle of booze. You know what I can’t blame him. Several people are now dead, there’s an unknown creature roaming about, and this older jackass is insulting him. Tommy returns home and is sent to his room. The two girls wake up and one of them is skeptical of the bullets being fired. Lady! Several of your friends are dead, there’s a wild animal, and poachers used to be in the forest! You should always believe in bullets!” One of them goes to take a shower and we see Trumpy has magically teleported into the room. Almost as if he never left. “You’re naughty! Very naughty!” That’s all he has to say. Apparently the mother killed the girl so I guess they do have quantum teleportation. Tommy plans to run away with Trumpy so he goes to get a coat. The scenery of this movie is very chilling. Something about the woods and lots of fog makes the forest look very, very unnerving. Also a girl is wearing a towel on her hair in the shower. Why? Tommy dresses Trumpy up as a Jawa with a trump (It’s just a coat). Then the alien teleports into the bathroom and kills her. Then it flees out another door! Tommy tries to leave with Trumpy. Uncle and Rick grab rifles and they go out hunting for the alien. Then Trumpy shows up and Tommy defends him. They flee out the door and everyone is now in pursuit of someone. Trumpy and the mother meet up and silently speak. Tommy pulls out the broken crossbow bullet as Rick and the Uncle show up. The uncle shoots at them almost hitting Tommy so the mother kills the Uncle and Rick immediately kills the mother. Then she buries herself in one last great effect. Then to save Trumpy Tommy tells Trumpy to leave. When he doesn’t want to Tommy tells Trumpy he hates him and that they aren’t friends anymore. Wow! The four meet up and go back to the cabin. Trumpy is then left alone in the woods without a friend in sight as the camera pans out and he is lost in the fog! This is a sad ending! The credit footage is from the movie Alien Factor. Opening skit is Crow doing his one Robot Show, “Robot on the Run” as Tom does the opening to his own show. A little funny. Invention exchange is a guitar that blows up in your face for Joel. The Mads is the royalty-free Public Domain Karaoke Machine. I love it! I’ll take three! No really! It’s really funny! They introduce the movie with Ave Maria. Quote Dr. F – “It has nothing to do with Pods. It has nothing to do with People. But it has everything to do with hurting!” Next skit is a gem! It’s Joel and the bots (including Gypsy) singing a parody of the song “Hear the Engines Roll Now”, but every line the sing a random possible title. My personal favorite is Idiot Control Now. We also see Dr. F being the music supervisor and Frank is wearing the I’m a Virgin shirt! Someone get me that shirt! Fantastic song and Joel ends by giving the Okay sign and responding, “It stinks!” The next skit is Joel and the bots playing on a wall of keyboards and they make new age music. Then Tom narrates it. This is pretty funny. Next skit is also a gem. They play around on the satellite doing similar weird stuff like in the Trumpy does magic things part of the movie. Dr. F and Frank look on in shock and confusion. We also get to see Crows legs for the first time. Last skit is Joel singing the song “Clown in the Sky”. This one…is perfect to end the episode. It has a nice soothing melody and funny sounding lyrics, but it’s not meant to be funny. It’s meant to be soothing and depressing like the end of the movie… Well Dr. F and Frank end it perfectly. The okay sign and saying “It stinks”.This…Is one of the best. This is easily one of the best episodes in the entire series. Its funny from start to finish, all the skits are well done, the jokes are quick and not far between, and the movie itself is so riffable. Even said I have a slight fondness for this movie. IT originally started as a killer alien film, but producer interference wanted it to capitalize on the success of ET so they added the cutsey alien and kid scenes. The director Juan Piquer Simon has admitted his distaste for the film and I can see why. I made horror films that are pretty gory, but he wasn’t allowed to do that in his own film. Take out the kid scenes and at more blood and I think he’d like it a lot more. I’ll admit the acting has it’s problems and the editing is odd simply because those scenes where just thrown in there. Even then it has this soothing and simultaneously chilling factor to it. The effects are good, the song is pretty catchy, and the foggy, dark woods are always eerie matching the horror film scenes perfectly and making the kid scenes somewhat better because it’s a break from the eeriness of the outside world. Well enough getting mushy on your all. I highly recommend it. This is one of the episodes I highly recommend to viewers new and old alike.
Episode Rating – 10/10
Movie Rating – 7/10
Favorite Riff – ‘Trumpy you can co magic things!’ “It’s called evil kid.” Or “Trumpy you can do stupid things!” Or ‘You know what playing is right?’ “Yes it’s when I break you in half!”
Stinger – “It stinks!”
Alternate Stinger – Valley girl -“He’s really good!” I’m a Virgin -“Good? He’s the best!”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCl2ZNkfnS8
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMrRqNXTJS8

Welcome to the counterfeit Godzilla series! The first of the Sandy Frank produced movies. We start by seeing some planes flying in the Arctic and we see our heroes driving towards some Eskimo. Said heroes are a scientist, his daughter, and a young reporter. Also all of the vehicles we see are models. We see some military dudes talk for a bit and give awful line readings. Why does it make me laugh when Joel shouts, “CUT! CUT! Can we please do that again?” Probably because of how laid back he is. Well back to the action. The Americans planes are chasing some foreign planes and they fire on them when they do not identify. One of the planes crashes into the ice and leaves a giant explosion and crack. This wont end well. It apparently also carried atomic weapons! Now this really won’t end well. It awakens the giant turtle monster Gamera! He has a cool roar, but really he’s just a counterfeit Godzilla. He breathes fire and can retract into his shell land use jet fire out of the holes to fly.

The heroes are given a rock before the leave and it shows Gamera and shows Gamera is evil. Then why do kids love him? Gamera destroys a ship and planes are sent out to stop him. Cut to a boardroom meeting in New York. They talk about Gamera and that he should die of radiation. However this is a giant monster so we know otherwise. An old guy sees Gamera fly by, but mistakes him for a flying saucer. That becomes big news and we learn that the reporter who was with the man and his daughter went by drawing straws and he won. He really went because he wants to get into the daughter’s panties. Then we see a man talk to a girl about a kid named Kenny who loves his turtle. Then we get our first look at…Kenny. This is one of the many problems with the Gamera movies, but this is undoubtedly the worst. Kenny or any other person in his archetype is an annoying little kid that’s always around the action, obsesses over Gamera, goes along with ALL of the military activities (often used as a consultant too!), and breaks my ear drums by shouting “GAMERA!!!” in a loud and annoying dubbed voice. His dad and sister are jerks to Kenny about his turtle and they threaten to get rid of it when he’s away. Assholes. The kid just likes his turtle. So he throws it off a cliff. Instead of flushing it down the toilet or leaving it at the beach. Then in his time of need we see Gamera. Gamera first messes with Kenny, by making his sister think he’s imagining Gamera. Then Gamera tries to kill them! Kenny runs off to the lighthouse, but Gamera knocks it over, but Gamera sadly saves him.

Gamera is also known as the protector of all children. Ugh…We have to lvie with him for the entire movie. They then think Gamera is good. The old scientist goes to Japan to see the people who met Gamera and we see Kenny looking for Tibby. You throw him off the cliff. Crow makes jokes at Tibby’s expense, which upsets Tom. We see Tibby is actually alive somehow. The reporter appears on the plane and creepily talks about how he’ll follow the daughter everywhere.

Speaking of everywhere. Chaos is everywhere! The professor and company come to a military base and they explain the monster. Gamera trope number 2! Several scenes of military and science people discussing the monster of the movie. They try to kill Gamera with high voltage shocks and he is un-phased. Instead it renews his energy. The military ties to kill Gamera with missiles, but surprise, surprise it fails. More science talk later and we see more military failure. Kenny cheers Gamera to run away. First off why is he running up to the military people and second of all and more importantly WHY IS HE HERE?! He manages to SOMEHOW convince the scientist to not use the missiles against Gamera and they just agree with him on the spot. The commander is just like, “Why?!” An older scientist that just showed up gives a actual explanation I agree with. He lives off heat and would gain more power by the explosions. There. I am making a tally of all the scenes that don’t need Kenny. We’re at two. The first was the scene of him looking for Tibby. They get a good idea to use a bomb that harnesses Absolute Zero temperatures and that might work. Gamera thrives off heat. It’s only effective for 10 minutes so they’ll need a giant shovel! We need Idris Elba for this (That one was for you! You know who you are!)! They set up the bombs and get ready to fight Gamera again. They shoot them at Gamera and he does begin to freeze slowly. However they lack the mighty shovel of Idres Elba so they plant dynamite to blow him up. They detonate and bring the mountain down with Gamera falling on his back unable to save himself. They start to celebrate but them he starts to fly shocking all of them! The older scientist is so confused. Kenny is almost hit by a car when he trips and drops a bunch of rocks. He claims that the sack of rocks is for Gamera’s new house. Kenny shows up to a military base and I hate the girl for letting him in. Kenny talks about how great Gamera is and how lonely Gamera is. All I have to say is SHUT UP! I hate kids… Then Kenny and some kid argue about stones and the kid who took them has to go get them. Then Kenny mentally demands that they all be killed by Gamera. His sister talks about how he’s glad he threw away the stones and then later tries to comfort him, while he’s asleep. Man does everyone hate this kid almost as much as me? Then three dudes talk about how the lack of fish and a reporter talks about some flooding. Then it shows stock footage of an actual flood. I’ll admit that is a little tasteless. Also stock footage of ships exploding. Extra tasteless! In an interview they talk about how Gamera is doing all of this. They bring in some scientists and they all agree that Gamera is A: The cause of all and B: Almost invincible. They elect to do Plan Z. The plan is to get Gamera into a rocket and fire him into space. However the downside is if they fail not only will Gamera still be alive and kicking, but they shall also be put back 20 years technologically. Then Gamera attacks Tokyo. Kenny was right. Gamera does have a good heart. I’m not one to encourage bullying considering that I was a victim of bullying for many years, but I hope that when Kenny bring up Gamera in school the other kids just beat the hell out of him. Gamera has killed like…A lot of people and now he’s attacking Japan’s capital city. Some people ignore the plea for them to escape the club (I guess Kenny convinced them) and Gamera crushes them all. What a swell guy. Kenny watches Gamera and he asks Gamera to not do anything bad. I guess he didn’t see Gamera knock over the buildings, destroy the Tokyo Tower, and burn all the people to death. Kenny is missing from the group of people and his sister goes looking for him. Quote Tom – “Who’s she kidding. She’s been wishing for this from frame one!” I’d love to imagine that off screen he’s running a Children of the Corn like cult about Gamera with all the kids from the other movies. They decide to get Gamera tame by over feeding him with fire so they can put him in the ship. Then Kenny runs into the train field. Hopefully he sneaks onto one of the exploding trains. HE IS! Don’t stop him! THE TRAIN EXPLODES! HOW ARE THEY NOT DEAD!? The soldiers joke to Kenny and he looks like he’s about to cry! Useless Kenny scene 3. Jesus Christ kid! After he crushed the nightclub full of people even if I loved turtles I’d say, “This thing needs to DIE!” Reporter keeps being creepy. Jesus Christ I’m subtler! Also Kenny sneaks onto a transport boat. Oh my god! Kenny is sneaking onto the Z Plan area. Hopefully Kenny gets shot into space with Gamera where he is eaten. I’d have caned the kid. They set a line of oil on the ocean on fire to attract Gamera to the ship. Also if Gamea doesn’t leave soon the typhoon shall destroy all of Japan. Kenny doesn’t keep him away! Also I can see the flamethrower in his mouth and he runs away thanks to Kenny! The reporter starts lighting fires to attract Gamera some more. The rain comes and almost put the fire out. Gamera goes to leave again and luck being a lady a VOLCANO ERUPTS! They manage to get Gamera in the ship and they launch him into space. The end!

So that’s a total of like six scenes where Kenny could have been cut out.

Opening skit is Joel and the bots doing a vocal warm up. It’s nice to see this for some reason. Invention exchange is a bottomless salad container for Joel. Frank’s is a vacuum that cleans birdcages without taking the bird. It fails. Also Dr. F lost his ponytail. I’m going to miss that. Next skit is a reference to the turtle Tibby. Tom sings the absolutely soothing and heartwarming ballad for the turtle Tibby. He actually starting crying and gets defensive when Crow makes jokes. Quote Crow, “Did you realize a robot sing a love song to a turtle?” This is a very good song. One of the reasons why I bought the MST3K Clowns in the Sky album. Crow and Tom torture a Kenny doll and Joel tries to soothe them and attempts to give them a brighter light a Gamera. It fails. Then Tom asks what we think. Next skit is the usual hateful song and dance. Gamera (played by Mike Nelson) flies up to them and chat for a while. Also Gamera uses Kenny to keep his good icon appearance. Final skit is Tom listing off the actors of Gamera. This is not only the only Gamera movie shot in black and white, but this is the last kaiju movie to be in black and white. Interesting. I hate this movie. When it’s the military trying to destroy Gamera it’s a fine movie. I’ve seen all the Gamera movies and I’ve seen all the Godzilla movies. For a frame of reference. A good Gamera movie is equivalent to a mediocre Godzilla movie like vs. the Sea Monster and Son of Godzilla. I guess you could watch it. This is one of the good ones despite…Kenny. This is a fantastic episode! Very funny, the skits were good, the song is amazing, and Joel thanks the Mads for not sending such a bad movie. I’d check it out again.
Episode Rating – 8/10
Movie Rating – 4/10
Favorite Riff – “Those kids at school, they tease you, Kenny. Because they’ve never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables!”
Stinger – An Eskimo mutters disturbed, “Bye…”
Alternate Stinger – The shopkeeper shoves kid away and he shouts “OW!”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNBItyTjS_c
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LD-4XEsdYkM

Welcome everybody to Season 3 of MST3K. Our film is brought to use by Film Ventures International just like Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. This time the footage is from Taur, the Mighty. However this is the first instance of FVI changing titles. The actual title is Ator 2, the Blade Master and the titular Cave Dwellers are in like one or two scenes. Take note though this is important. Half the screen is black and has the credits. The footage shows two guys running through a field. We see our Cave Dwellers sit around eating people. Most likely. More Cave Dwellers show up and there’s a random fight. Are we watching Quest for Fire? Nope that scene was pointless. Cut over to a castle. We see a scientist and his daughter Mila. He talks about finding a great bright orb (the sun?). No it’s a orb that is apparently called Life & Death and Everything & Nothing. He tells us the events of the last Ator movie to catch us up. Ator was the son of a king during the Age of the Spider and he was prophesized to end it. He was hidden away before they could kill him and he lived in a remote village until he was a young man. Then the knights attacked the village, wounded Ator, and took his bride as a sacrifice. They neglect to mention that Ator and his bride thought they were siblings, but it’s best they forgot to mention that. The man who saved him as a baby named Griba saved Ator and they went off to save his sister/bride. Ator killed a demon witch and some zombies. Then he got the Mirror Shield and fought Dark Ator (his shadow). Ator killed the villain and Griba admitted his plan to use Ator to kill the villain so he can rule the kingdom. Ator kills him and the giant spider god. Now Ator’s lady died and he lives with Thong an Eastern swordsmaster & sage. Thong is living the dream.

I’ve seen the first one. It’s a decent rip off of Conan. So just watch Conan the Barbarian! Back in present time Mila begrudgingly leaves to fetch Ator. All of a sudden the new villain Zor arrives and attacks the castle. The castle guards are killed and the scientist hides the orb. Ator apparently lives where the Earth ends so that means he is somewhere in China, Vietnam, Korea, or Russia. Since it’s obviously not Russia and the areas more of a forest than jungle we can cross off Vietnam. I’m just going to guess that it’s China. Zor wears a really stupid hat of a black goose and really fake moustache. Mila still hasn’t run yet. They talk for a bit and Mila finally runs. She fights some dudes and gets an arrow in her chest. She still manages to out run them and hide from them. Thong and Ator are forging a sword when Mila runs in and passes out. They are able to cure her arrow wound. Ator and Thong work on science as Mila complains that they can’t go right now. They lock her in a cell and he tells her to blow her way out. Not that way! She blows up the cell doors. Also I forgot to mention that Thong is mute. Because?
Our heroes
Ator tells that he knew of the orb and the three leave. Zor tries to threaten the scientist, but he talks more and shockingly doesn’t bore them to sleep. The man shows his “magic”, but I am unimpressed. As Fog of Slime People levels show up, Ator & Thong get lost from Mila, and some goons try to sneak up on them. They somehow end up in a cave and invisible Warriors attack Ator & Thong. Probably because Joe D’Am-I mean David Hills was too cheap to hire more actors. Ator & Thong throw their capes at them and kill the warriors. Then they don’t take their cloaks with them. Mila is captured by some cannibal Cave Dwellers. The Cave Dwellers try to eat her, but they are unable to due to her chest plate covering her heart. Ator takes a while to save her, but he does eventually. Ator makes an explosion from science and scares off the Cave Dwellers. Ator and Mila catch up to Thong later though. And the Cave Dwellers were never seen again. The group fights against some minions for a while and it’s a rather dull fight. Then we see another dull conversation. Then we see Thong catching fish with his hands as Ator cooks fish. Mila and Ator talk about the warriors they just fought. They are supposed to be somewhat important in someway, but I don’t know. Thong finds some people and he brings them to Ator and Mila. They don’t speak for a while, but they admit they’re from Ator’s birth land and the Huns are raiding them. The people must bring people to be sacrifice to the Huns’ snake deities. Ator tries to rally the people, but some people ignore him and he is brought sacred wine. Thong immediately knows something is up though. An old woman tells him that they plan to betray Ator, but due to his muteness he can’t do anything. Ator is knocked out as we get a shot of Ator’s package. Ator, Mila, and one of the men that wanted to fight with Ator are tied up and taken with the other sacrifices to the snake gods.

The Huns break their promise to leave the village alone and they kill everyone. Shocking I know. They manage to throw everyone in the pit with the snakes, until Thong takes forever to sneak and cut Ator’s bonds.
Our stupid looking villain.
Also snakes can growl. Also why are there skulls in a snake pit? Ator and Thong escape and start fighting, but the girl is thrown down the pit. Ator jumps down to save Mila and he starts fighting a giant sock pu- I mean snake. They escape and reach the castle. Ator has Mila and Thong enter through a secret entrance, while Ator does well… Ator hang glides in. I kid you not. He crafts himself a hang glider out of science and not just a skin and sticks one, a metal and cloth. A modern day one! This…is why I LOVE B-Movies. So Ator also drops bombs on people as Thong and Mila fight inside. Quote Joel – “What’s next he has a tank hidden in the courtyard?” Ator arrives inside and fights Zor. Ator disarms him and is about to kill him, but our boring scientist says that if Ator kills him he shall be accused of murder! Just stab him! Obviously Zor tries to kill him, but thankfully the true hero Thong kills Zor. Ator is given the orb so he runs off to hide it. Ator leaves Thong with them so Ator rides off into the distance destroyed it. The end. Also we see more footage from Taur, the Mighty during the credits.
Opening skit is Joel and the bots (Gypsy included) giving themselves new names. Gypsy is Stocker Chern, Crow is Jose Humaniz, Magic Voice calls herself…Magic Voice, Tom calls himself Sugar Magnolia, and Joel is now Chuck Woolry. A little funny. They trade names a bunch and Joel decides that they’re back to original names. Joel’s invention exchange is a literal Smoking Jacket to look cooler and it doesn’t include the cancer. Dr. F’s is Robotic Arm Wrestling, which he easily beats Frank in. Pretty funny. We’re getting a nice slope here. Next skit is absolutely amazing! They dress up in the stupid costumes with Crow as Ator, Joel as Zor, and Tom as the scientist. They have the stupid half screen view with credits rolling s they run around like madmen in slow motion reenacting the opening credits. The credits are hilarious and too good to list. Next skit is talking about how this movie has neat names to dull objects to make the sound better to compensate for having a low budget. Pretty funny. Next skit is Joel explaining the sound effects. Meat punching = punches to the gut, coconuts clang together = horse, snap fresh celery = spine cracking, and mix jello in a stocking = rubber boot in mud. Really funny. Last skit is pointing out all the continuity flaws. Such flaws are tire tracks at the end, Ator hang gliding over a city, and during the rape and pillaging by the Huns one of the cavemen is wearing sunglasses. Dr. F and Frank remind them that they are indeed evil. This is a very funny episode. The riffs are spot on, the movie is cheesy as hell, and the skits are brilliant. A perfect start to Season 3.
Episode Rating – 8/10
Movie Rating – 3/10
Favorite Riff – “Hey! There’s a monolith outside!” “Yeah everybody’s evolving and stuff! It’s really neat!” “Hey! Grog just threw a bone into the air and it turned into a spaceship!”
Stinger – “Thong, the fish is ready!”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKO6M8heGU0
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uKZTLKMgiU