THE FINAL GAMERA MOVIE! We see a base on a moon and a monster called Zigra destroys the base and captures a rover. Then Sea World. We see two businessmen talking about their kids and we see them being kids. Then we see animals at Sea World and a guy creepily starring at them. Might just be the Bots making it creepier. Oh god this movie has the worst kids! Kenny and Helen are so annoying! One of the guys gets so disturbed when he hears they have to cut open a seal/dolphin to autopsy. He’s apparently the dolphin trainer. Two guys sit by the sea shore and talk about humans are assholes. Their food id gone and the kids snuck on and ate their food. The same ship from earlier lands in the sea and it looks like it has candy all over it. Our heroes go to find it and get captured. OH GOD NO! Time for the kids to shout GAMERA! This time it just hurts. They get captured by the ship. We see Zigra has a female servent who does the knob lifting and stuff. The kids say she’s an alien. One of the guys calls out that they’ve never heard of Zigra. It’s an alien of course you haven’t heard about it before dumbass! Also who shot this scene. It’s a far wide shot for a solid two minutes.

She just wants them to tell the world about Zigra. He still calls her out being from space! Grips hair in frustration DUMBASS! YOU GOT TELEPORTED HERE, SAW AN ALIEN HEAD, AND AN OBVIOUS SHIP! DUMBASS! So to prove things she says she’ll destroy Japan with an earthquake. Also to call out the cinematography again, the lady is talking, but the shot is completely unfocused. Also she is complaining about the ocean again. The kids make annoying noises as we have an annoying chase between them and the alien. Zigra tells the girl to kill the kids. Good to know who I’m gonna root for. He says that the kids know to much, but she just mad an announcement to kill everyone. The kids somehow make a sail somehow and break my ears when Zigra almost runs them down on the boat. Then we see our buddy Gamera. Then we hear the Gamera song as the kids loudly and annoyingly praise him. I still prefer the MST3K’s version. The kids Gamera just leave to get help. The kids meet and old Japanese hermit. They call him out for looking like a bum. He’s a bum get over it. The military demands answers about the ship and the kids say it’s like the ones on TV. But like which ones? The Galactica? The Enterprise? The ship from Fugitive Alien? The Satellite of Love? See there’s a lot of ships on TV. Also when the soldier doesn’t get it and asks about ships on TV the kid says he’s old fashioned. TV is overrated kiss my ass. The kids get in an argument over whose mom is prettier. The soldier asks about special powers and after explaining it to the kids Kenny says strange sounds like when daddy drinks. He also makes strange sounds when he ‘naps’ with mommy in the middle of the day. The adults can’t wake up and the military dudes go to attack Zigra. Knowing the military in kaiju films this won’t end well. So female alien shows up on the beach and steals a bikini to blend in. The fish guy and a hotel owner debating taking a bunch of fish. Quote Crow, “WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO ANYTHING?” So fish guy doesn’t care about soldiers or people. Just fish. Bikini alien hops into the car with fish guy and he stupidly brings them to her. She steals a more modest outfit. At least she keeps using her knock out powers. And Gamera. The annoying kids are almost killed, but they escape by throwing light objects at her. They easily lose her and its so how easily they get away. She is not only incompetent, but also stupid. The kids get her in an elevator and break my ears. “Gamera can beat anyone!” Except he gets his ass kicked in every movie. Gamera fights the space ships and wins for most of it. Until Zigra shifts into his ship form and he just swims circle around him.

You know after like five minutes of the two monsters just flopping around and making noise it is very, very annoying. He flies Zigra onto the surface and we cut to the fish guy. Also why is there a hospital in sea world? Now the fish guy’s purpose. He brings up sonar and they use that to snap the people out of hypnosis. By that I mean he just shouts into a transceiver for a while. Alien girl threatens to throw the kids to the dolphins. They shout into the transceiver and get the hypnosis out of the girl. She was one of the astronauts. Also like Gamera vs. Barugon, Gamera is just out for the count. The two scientists from earlier who just woke up go down in a submarine to wake up Gamera, but say it with me “They kids snuck on board!” The guys are rightly pissed, but can’t lock them back in the area they were before. A slash from Zigra strikes a leak. Their surface risers are damaged so they’ll take a while, they have an hour of air, and are leaking. TWO KIDS ARE DYIN’ TONIGHT! Then they die. They find out that Zigra is weak to lights. Zigra threatens to kill them, but says he’ll save them if they submit to him. One of the guys says they’ll surrender to Zigra. Mr. Spock has a quote for you, “The needs of the many, out way the needs of the few.” In other words screw he guys in the submarine and let them die. Then Zigra shoots a laser at them. I don’t care if they die. As a matter of fact I’m glad. Gamera saves the people somehow then fights Zigra.One boring fight later and I still don’t care. The kids are still annoying as all hell. The fight ends with Gamera dropping him onto some rocks and he becomes bipedal for some reason. Looks cooler in this form.

Gamera spends a crap ton of time in this movie messing around and plays Zigra’s back like an instrument. Just kill him already. One last annoying out burst from the kids leads to Gamera burning Zigra to death. How many species has Gamera made extinct. Then we make another environmental message. The end. Thank god.
In the opening Joel and the Bots throw a root beer kegger. They’re celebrating because it’s the last Gamera movie. Magic Voice gets drunk. Odd considering she has no corporal form. For the invention exchange we see the Mads make Three Stooges Guns (offensive & defensive) and Joel & the Bots makes Crow T. Shish-ka-bob. Fun. Next up is a model that shows the inside of Gamera. Not funny. Middle skit is shoebox dioramas about the Gamera movies. Tom does Barugon, Crow does Gaos, Gypsy does Richard Basehart, and Joel is MST3K. The Joel’s and Gypsy’s actually got me to laugh a bit. In this sketch grown Kenny & Helen come to visit on Gamera. Mike Nelson & Bridget Jones (first appearance) play the two and it’s amazing. They are poorly dubbed and have annoying screechy voices that talk about nonsense. The best part is the terrible dubbing where they obviously are out of sync and are just making empty noise for a bit. They sing variants of the Gamera theme. Not as funny. This episode sucks. Plain and simple. The kids are the most irritating in the franchise, the action sucks and is almost non existent, the characters are also annoying, and the monster is just dumb. I’m so glad this is the last one because I can’t take anymore. Avoid it!
Episode Rating – 1/10
Movie Rating – 1/10
Favorite Riff – Singing the Gamera theme
Stinger – Fish guy complains about the hotel owner
Possible Stinger – Japanese bum laughs
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jGeDuW_yBo
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLIWrY63yT8