First the short. First one we’ve had in a long time. Just listing off the alphabet and random things for the letters. Okay the Santa Cat was cute. They also pick stupid things like H – Holland, I – In, L – Large, N – Nursery Stories, O – One (Quoth Tom – “O is for the Obscene treatment of animals!), Q – Queer, Queer Pelican, T – Trying, U – Up, W – Walking, and Y – You/ng. But then again my alphabet consists of W – Wizard, N – Necromancy, V – Violence, Z – Zealots, and P – Pneumonia. Now the movie.
John Willaim’s first movie. Same guy who did the score of Star Wars and Indiana Jones…did Daddy-O. Well they have to start somewhere. At least the movie will have a good soundtrack. Our main character is a truck driver, but a reckless driver cuts him off and traffic goes array. They constantly cut each other off and when they park he pulls the driver out to see a girl. The girl makes up a lie about him being an obnoxious ass and trying to hit on her and these three dudes buy it! This already hurts…Then we see our hero in a club with his buddies. One of the dudes is very quiet and not interacting with them. Then the girl from before walks in. Our main Phil is not pleased. Then Phil starts singing as our villains walk in. His singing is okay. However our villains and future love interest/lady I already hate are impressed.
That face is so slap able
The quiet kid is more nervous now and the villains look over to them and ask the bar tender what Phil’s job is. Everyone talks for a bit and it’s very, very boring. The only thing of relevance is the quiet kid gives Phil a key. Our leads go our to have a drag race and the girl cheats and wins. By cheats I mean she almost shoves him off a cliff, but into a car and he loses his truck-driving job. Swell. I couldn’t care less about what’s going on now. The quiet kid drives off and our villains run him off the road and he dies. By runs off the road I mean the editing makes the car fall of a cliff and burst into flames. I just don’t like anyone Phil is dull and I just want to slap the main girl. The editing is GOD AWFUL! The cuts are just flat out awful and the editing is shotty at best. The cops show up and arrest Phil for almost hitting the guy’s car. This is the 50’s I’d have smacked her. He’s also charged for killing the quiet kid. He is let go of the charge of manslaughter is released, but he still loses his license and job. The cop offers Phil a job at the station. He believes the girl (I think her name is Janet) killed the guy (maybe named Sonny). He breaks into her house to see if she did it and sees her car damaged. She admits she didn’t kill him because it would have had more damage on it. We learn the key is for Phil’s gym locker and the guy in charge of the gym Bruce won’t let him clean of the locker. He gives the key over to Bruce when he doesn’t let him leave. This won’t end well. The two go back and for some reason the two are partners in crime…I guess just because of the fact that eh can’t drive. Phil is also less stealthy than a giant in chainmail. Also the shot is almost as dark than the Tomb of Giants. Bruce and the fat villain open up the locker and they pull out his jockstraps and they pull out a book. Bruce turns on the shower and barely misses seeing out heroes.

Fantastic. Our duo looks inside the locker and Phil wisely says, “Whatever it is. We missed it!” He says this, moments after they see them open up the locker and pull stuff out and don’t put it back. Genius. They also think a cigar cylinder is a clue…that he smokes a cigar. We abruptly cut to the next scene where the fat guy gives him a job. We don’t even get to hear the job proposal the scene just cuts. Then footage of driving. I can’t believe I’m saying that I miss the annoying Gamera kids. We see BY GOD NO! I DON’T WANT TO SEE THE FAT GUY GETTING MASSAGE MOMENTS AFTER HE GETS OUT OF THE SHOWER, WHILE IN A TOGA! They need someone to make the deliveries so why don’t they get some other guy who’s not suspicious of them to drive the damn cars. Fats gives Phil a car to sweeten the deal. Phil takes the job and starts singing under the pseudonym of Daddy-O. Janet breaks into his house this time to apologize for being a b- no to admit she loves him for some reason. They make-out for a second and cutaway to post sex afterglow conversations. Janet gets a job as cigarette girl so she can be closer to him and to help investigate. However she acts like a frigid b___ to him. More terrible singing later he kisses some other girl.

Then Fats has Phil drive and deliver a package from Mexico. How does this not tip him off that he is doing massively illegal things. He takes the job and he has to stop and throws it out the window. Cut back and I guess it went off without a hitch. He wins Fats’ approval and Bruce gets jealous I guess. Also he has to use a pseudonym for his pseudonym. He another job for them and almost gets caught. This would be so tense if I actually cared. He gets shoved a car by a dude with a gun and they drive off. He’s interrogated and beaten up over money that Fats stole. Still don’t care. They return and throw Phil out of the car and he talks with Janet. Why don’t we call the cops? Oh right so that good cop doesn’t see him beat up. Then says they should call the cops. The delivery was dope and Sonny was given $5000 when he double-crossed Fats. Fats meets with some dudes and Bruce catches the duo. Phil makes one last deal and has Phil get some money. Bruce tells him to stop and get out so he can drive to Mexico, but Bruce quickly gets his ass kicked without his glasses or gun. Instead of shooting Janet he tries to suffocate her by throwing her in the steam room tries to suffocate her. Instead of just shooting him he lets Phil run off. Bruce SOMEHOW gets back to the base and gets new glasses, then releases Janet so she could drive him to Mexico. What follows is a long and boring of three minutes of people driving, looking around, and pushing stuff. In the end Bruce is arrested, Janet is saved, Fats is knocked out, and everyone meeting up somehow. All with very, very, very bad editing. The end.
Opening skit is Joel and bots chilling out at the water cooler. Kind of nice to see them relaxing and joking around. Invention exchange is air freshener mobile for nurseries and the Mads’ is the Alien Teething Nook, which is a facehugger. Eh. Next skit is the Pants Up Song. Somewhat funny. Middle skit is Tom and Crow reenacting the race from the movie only with more casualties. Not funny. Next up we have a stupid skit about spit takes and NO! NO! NO! NO! *Deeply sighs in rage* Bruce from the movie pulls up next to the SoL and chats for a bit before leaving! You know my feeling about this already. They replay the “want some” scene where Phil slaps a fruit out of Janet’s hand. They read a bunch of letters and it ends. The episode is not funny and the movie sucks. All I can say is that it didn’t feel all that long. I just went by. I don’t like these kinds of movies solely because I don’t like any of the characters or the story. This is just not my kind of movie and the editing is so god-awful. The music sucks, but really it’s his first so he’s forgiven. Skip it.
Episode Rating – 2/10
Movie Rating – 1/10
Favorite Riff – “P is for PEDA who protesting this!”
Stinger – Bruce being extremely unhelpful, “Couldn’t help ya if I wanted to, fella. Gym policy.”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bk1h_pCbdM