I was honestly surprised that this episode wasn’t Gamera vs. Gaos, but hey it’s a break. This time it’s Japanese Planet of the Apes! No really. It was originally a 26 episode series that was converted to an hour and a half long movie. Fantastic idea. That certainly won’t include lots of plot holes and make no sense. The opening credits are just pictures of apes. Its admittedly kind of funny. Then we get out view of one of our heroes. The awfully dubbed Japanese child named Johnny. Then his friend Caroline shows up and as she and Johnny are about to leave and earthquake happens. It passes quickly, but when his mother says its to dangerous. Johnny simply says, “I don’t care.” They run off with his parents not caring either I guess. They get driven to a science place and they meet the doctor lady Kathryn.

They talk about Cryosleep experiments and are allowed to walk right into places. We see some science stuff and we see an animal get unfrozen. They talk about how a human was frozen and they reversed the aging process so he might wake up healthier than when he died. Huh. The trio goes to a room with human pods. Kathryn asks Johnny not to touch anything, but he does. Johnny goes inside one and an earthquake/volcanic eruption sends them all in pods putting them all to sleep for many years. They wake up in the future and see APES! Well after wandering for a little bit. Several slam zooms later they run from the apes. They get captured by the Ape Cops and hare tied to a tree. An ape guard feels their hair and we see our evil ape that wears cowboy boots. They blindfold the humans and bring the to a cliff. I believe them throw them off the cliffs. Saves bullets I guess. No they bring them to a quarry and untie their bonds. They run off into the quarry and into a forest avoiding bullets. Would have been easier by shooting them when they got to the quarry. The apes can also speak English. The trio crawls across the bottom of a bridge to reach the other side. They find a house and break inside it to find a young ape living inside. They can’t stay for long because people come to chase them out. They young ape let’s the out the back door and they flee into the wood, which the apes don’t go across.

I guess Barugon lives there and they don’t want the opal stolen. Knowing Planet of the Apes a thousand years did indeed pass. We see the evil ape talking to his boss and the forest (Green Mountain) has a human who lives up there that fights against the apes. Johnny falls down, but he’s fine. That scene was pointless. The boss says he’ll kill everyone if they don’t get out heroes. As our heroes travel they find barbwire fences and Johnny is almost killed by spike traps. They also run into a falling rock trap and a net trap. The trio meets the human who set up all the traps. Now they can be a family. They explain the story to him and ask where they are. We hear the man’s name is Godo and he lives in a cave. He says it’s much safer on the mountain because the apes never bother him. Also Caroline is his sister…I just learned that! He also comments about a wound that isn’t there and torn clothes that aren’t torn. The apes try to traverse the mountain, but more traps hit them and when they flee the villain hits them with his rapier of electricity. I like the villain already. The ape kid who helped them before runs up the mountain and a UFO chases him. Japan makes the weirdest stuff… Anyway our heroes are eating and wearing new clothes as Godo shaves his awesome beard. That ape kid works an informant for Godo and he announces the apes are burning down the forest. Godo repels them and kills a lot of the apes. Our heroes are flushed out due to the smoke. Godo runs back to save the little ape kid and they are all held at gunpoint by the other apes. They’re captured and about to executed. However the ape leader comes in and lets them go! When the villain tries to kill him the leader slaps him and Godo away. AND THE UFO IS BACK! WHAT IS GOING ON? Then the leader decides to take them away. This makes no sense! He drives them off into the wastes and stops at a city in the middle of a desert. Godo is brought to monkey jail and is hit in the balls with the butt of a rifle. That must hurt. The trio is allowed to live if they accept are good. Then the kid ape breaks in somehow and save Johnny. The villain sees Godo and monologues about how much he wants to kill Godo. Godo asks for the humans to live and he doesn’t shoot Godo immediately. Johnny jumps on top of him and Godo knocks him out. They trigger an alarm so the trio hides under a grating outside and someone must have seen them. They hop a car and disguise themselves as apes. No one seems to think they’re just a little bit suspicious. The apes interrogate Kathryn and Caroline, but they get no useful info. However we do see the UFO again. I guess it’s a surveillance ship. The good ape just walks through the main guards by saying his dad works there. The good ape sneaks them in with a straw cart and they fool a guard into helping them through by saying he’s tired. They steal a uniform for Godo and they break into the base and embrace in a tearful hug. Kathryn wants to stay here, but everyone else wants to leave and find more humans. Cut to The apes shooting at Godo and crew in front of a very, very fake backdrop. The apes want shoot the nuclear guns at the UFO, but it neutralizes all their weapons. They steal a truck and Johnny steals the keys to the other car. Now it really becomes apparent that it was a series before this. They bring up a group called UCOM and say they want to overthrow the ape overlords, but it has never been brought up before. Then we see an eye-patched ape that apparently betrayed them because he thinks the ape leader is weak. This was never brought up before! Also humans are called Naked Apes and the good ape is also a girl. Then when they leave her the scene ends like the end of an episode. The evil ape shows up to have his ending battle with Godo. I guess this is the last episode. We finally learn that the villain wants to kill Godo because he caused the death of his wife and child. They’re both out of ammo and the UFO arrives again. Also the UFO is shockingly huge! We see a flashback to the villain’s wife and son falling down a gentle slope. Godo actually tried to save them. The wife fell and the villain accidently shot his son when he thought it Godo did it. The leader comforts the villain and he is forgiven after he forgives Godo. Then I actually I assume he kills himself. The leader admits that rebellion shall end and he says they could stay. They decline, keep going, the leader wishes them well, and he grants them safe passage of weapons. The wander in the wastes for a while until they find a building and enter a building in some mountains. A flash of light hits them and Caroline wakes up in a white room. She wanders around and looks for everyone. She is chased by apes and if found by Kathryn before she faints. Some people walk up to them in shadows and we see that they are human. They were just in shock/hallucinating. Johnny was also fine and Godo is not there. I assumed it was a dream because they mentioned people dream in sleep, but then Kathryn finds Godo’s necklace that was never mentioned before. They actually do admit that the ape time actually happened and that Godo vanished. He was sent to another time period, but we only see him wandering in a desert. The end. That sure was fun. Opening skit is Joel and the bots playing baseball on the Satellite of Love. However they break a hole in their hull. Joel’s invention is a cellulite phone that helps people diet somehow. The Mads is a Miracle Baby Growth Formula. Works a bit too well. Neither was that funny. Franks reactions are funny though. Next skit is great. Tom explains why Johnny doesn’t care. He goes into dark explanations and how no one stays long in Johnny’s world and that his mind is terrible thing to release to the world. Goddamn hilarious. Next skit is an interpretation of the Scopes Monkey Trial. It has its very funny moments, but it lacks a lot of focus. Next skit is Crow looking at the fashions of the movie. Surprisingly funny. We also see footage we never actually saw. Last skit is the Sandy Frank Song. It’s sort of funny, but they did it too early and it’s very simplistic. The last Sandy Frank movie is Star Force: Fugitive Alien II and they should have done it then. They could have brought in the entire cast of Gamera monster and sing about how they tried to kill him with a forklift. This movie is fun, but god damn is it dull at times. The slam zoom cuts are absolutely hilarious and the editing is random at best. The cinematography is very shaky for some reason. A comical thing in this movie is how stupid all the guards are. They just let people walk through their bases, don’t see through disguises, are massive cowards, have no peripheral vision, stand around a lot, and barely ever fire their guns. The music is very weird at times too. It’s plays odd pop, jazz, and very goofy music sometimes. There’s a lot plot holes and I really think it works better in the full show. The skits are very funny and the riffs are top notch. I highly recommend it!
Episode Rating – 10/10
Movie Rating – 5/10
Favorite Riff – “Hey you kids behave or I’m turning this plot around!” & every time they say “I don’t care!” Or a variation of “Fling crap!”
Stinger – “Johnny, don’t go. It’s too dangerous.” “I don’t care!”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ql61L4TgQg8