Welcome everybody to Season 3 of MST3K. Our film is brought to use by Film Ventures International just like Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. This time the footage is from Taur, the Mighty. However this is the first instance of FVI changing titles. The actual title is Ator 2, the Blade Master and the titular Cave Dwellers are in like one or two scenes. Take note though this is important. Half the screen is black and has the credits. The footage shows two guys running through a field. We see our Cave Dwellers sit around eating people. Most likely. More Cave Dwellers show up and there’s a random fight. Are we watching Quest for Fire? Nope that scene was pointless. Cut over to a castle. We see a scientist and his daughter Mila. He talks about finding a great bright orb (the sun?). No it’s a orb that is apparently called Life & Death and Everything & Nothing. He tells us the events of the last Ator movie to catch us up. Ator was the son of a king during the Age of the Spider and he was prophesized to end it. He was hidden away before they could kill him and he lived in a remote village until he was a young man. Then the knights attacked the village, wounded Ator, and took his bride as a sacrifice. They neglect to mention that Ator and his bride thought they were siblings, but it’s best they forgot to mention that. The man who saved him as a baby named Griba saved Ator and they went off to save his sister/bride. Ator killed a demon witch and some zombies. Then he got the Mirror Shield and fought Dark Ator (his shadow). Ator killed the villain and Griba admitted his plan to use Ator to kill the villain so he can rule the kingdom. Ator kills him and the giant spider god. Now Ator’s lady died and he lives with Thong an Eastern swordsmaster & sage. Thong is living the dream.

I’ve seen the first one. It’s a decent rip off of Conan. So just watch Conan the Barbarian! Back in present time Mila begrudgingly leaves to fetch Ator. All of a sudden the new villain Zor arrives and attacks the castle. The castle guards are killed and the scientist hides the orb. Ator apparently lives where the Earth ends so that means he is somewhere in China, Vietnam, Korea, or Russia. Since it’s obviously not Russia and the areas more of a forest than jungle we can cross off Vietnam. I’m just going to guess that it’s China. Zor wears a really stupid hat of a black goose and really fake moustache. Mila still hasn’t run yet. They talk for a bit and Mila finally runs. She fights some dudes and gets an arrow in her chest. She still manages to out run them and hide from them. Thong and Ator are forging a sword when Mila runs in and passes out. They are able to cure her arrow wound. Ator and Thong work on science as Mila complains that they can’t go right now. They lock her in a cell and he tells her to blow her way out. Not that way! She blows up the cell doors. Also I forgot to mention that Thong is mute. Because?
Our heroes
Ator tells that he knew of the orb and the three leave. Zor tries to threaten the scientist, but he talks more and shockingly doesn’t bore them to sleep. The man shows his “magic”, but I am unimpressed. As Fog of Slime People levels show up, Ator & Thong get lost from Mila, and some goons try to sneak up on them. They somehow end up in a cave and invisible Warriors attack Ator & Thong. Probably because Joe D’Am-I mean David Hills was too cheap to hire more actors. Ator & Thong throw their capes at them and kill the warriors. Then they don’t take their cloaks with them. Mila is captured by some cannibal Cave Dwellers. The Cave Dwellers try to eat her, but they are unable to due to her chest plate covering her heart. Ator takes a while to save her, but he does eventually. Ator makes an explosion from science and scares off the Cave Dwellers. Ator and Mila catch up to Thong later though. And the Cave Dwellers were never seen again. The group fights against some minions for a while and it’s a rather dull fight. Then we see another dull conversation. Then we see Thong catching fish with his hands as Ator cooks fish. Mila and Ator talk about the warriors they just fought. They are supposed to be somewhat important in someway, but I don’t know. Thong finds some people and he brings them to Ator and Mila. They don’t speak for a while, but they admit they’re from Ator’s birth land and the Huns are raiding them. The people must bring people to be sacrifice to the Huns’ snake deities. Ator tries to rally the people, but some people ignore him and he is brought sacred wine. Thong immediately knows something is up though. An old woman tells him that they plan to betray Ator, but due to his muteness he can’t do anything. Ator is knocked out as we get a shot of Ator’s package. Ator, Mila, and one of the men that wanted to fight with Ator are tied up and taken with the other sacrifices to the snake gods.

The Huns break their promise to leave the village alone and they kill everyone. Shocking I know. They manage to throw everyone in the pit with the snakes, until Thong takes forever to sneak and cut Ator’s bonds.
Our stupid looking villain.
Also snakes can growl. Also why are there skulls in a snake pit? Ator and Thong escape and start fighting, but the girl is thrown down the pit. Ator jumps down to save Mila and he starts fighting a giant sock pu- I mean snake. They escape and reach the castle. Ator has Mila and Thong enter through a secret entrance, while Ator does well… Ator hang glides in. I kid you not. He crafts himself a hang glider out of science and not just a skin and sticks one, a metal and cloth. A modern day one! This…is why I LOVE B-Movies. So Ator also drops bombs on people as Thong and Mila fight inside. Quote Joel – “What’s next he has a tank hidden in the courtyard?” Ator arrives inside and fights Zor. Ator disarms him and is about to kill him, but our boring scientist says that if Ator kills him he shall be accused of murder! Just stab him! Obviously Zor tries to kill him, but thankfully the true hero Thong kills Zor. Ator is given the orb so he runs off to hide it. Ator leaves Thong with them so Ator rides off into the distance destroyed it. The end. Also we see more footage from Taur, the Mighty during the credits.
Opening skit is Joel and the bots (Gypsy included) giving themselves new names. Gypsy is Stocker Chern, Crow is Jose Humaniz, Magic Voice calls herself…Magic Voice, Tom calls himself Sugar Magnolia, and Joel is now Chuck Woolry. A little funny. They trade names a bunch and Joel decides that they’re back to original names. Joel’s invention exchange is a literal Smoking Jacket to look cooler and it doesn’t include the cancer. Dr. F’s is Robotic Arm Wrestling, which he easily beats Frank in. Pretty funny. We’re getting a nice slope here. Next skit is absolutely amazing! They dress up in the stupid costumes with Crow as Ator, Joel as Zor, and Tom as the scientist. They have the stupid half screen view with credits rolling s they run around like madmen in slow motion reenacting the opening credits. The credits are hilarious and too good to list. Next skit is talking about how this movie has neat names to dull objects to make the sound better to compensate for having a low budget. Pretty funny. Next skit is Joel explaining the sound effects. Meat punching = punches to the gut, coconuts clang together = horse, snap fresh celery = spine cracking, and mix jello in a stocking = rubber boot in mud. Really funny. Last skit is pointing out all the continuity flaws. Such flaws are tire tracks at the end, Ator hang gliding over a city, and during the rape and pillaging by the Huns one of the cavemen is wearing sunglasses. Dr. F and Frank remind them that they are indeed evil. This is a very funny episode. The riffs are spot on, the movie is cheesy as hell, and the skits are brilliant. A perfect start to Season 3.
Episode Rating – 8/10
Movie Rating – 3/10
Favorite Riff – “Hey! There’s a monolith outside!” “Yeah everybody’s evolving and stuff! It’s really neat!” “Hey! Grog just threw a bone into the air and it turned into a spaceship!”
Stinger – “Thong, the fish is ready!”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKO6M8heGU0
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uKZTLKMgiU