I’m not excited for this one. Quote Dr. Forrester, “In regards to Today’s movie, I’m just going to say…rock climbing.” You’ll understand in a bit, but just you wait! The credits end and we see STOCK FOOTAGE OF ROCKETSHIP X-M! Seriously they show the first shot of the guard patrolling the area! We see people shoot a ship into space, but it goes off course and crashes on an island. Cut to a guy with a moustache hanging out with a woman. He’s either going to be the hero or white devil. He strikes out and I see he’s wearing a military. A flight instructor to be exact. They dance for a bit and then they start making out. I remove my previous statement. He’s about to score! Then Captain Cockblock interrupts them. He is told to leave immediately and go to the base. We meet an engineer who is also brought to the base. We see a pilot about to leave, but he is also brought to the base. The dudes chat while drinking coffee. Also we see a dude in glasses. The engineer is being very annoying. The people look out windows, the plane starts hitting some turbulence, and loses altitude. The plane crashes and none of them die. Looks like stock footage from Jungle Goddess. They find a village and now its really reminding me of Jungle Goddess. The girl speaks English to them and talks about a ‘firebird that shoots flame and smoke’. They immediately realize it’s the rocket. It landed on the sacred mountain. They say they’ll break the spell to stop the firebird to make the people return. Oh no. We’re so close…*Sigh* Time for…rock climbing. Starting time 35:00. So they start climbing. They climb. Oh and the annoying engineer’s pants fell down. This was does not look like it’s in the script. The guys in the background are visibly laughing at this and failing to hold it in. Rock climbing. One of the guys breathes in some gas, but they’re fine. They rest for a bit, but they aren’t doing anything. Aside from foreshadowing of a character death. Then a giant lizard! It’s just there for a frame. Back to rock climbing! Also the music cut out. So we are listening to ambience. Even laid back Joel is frustrated by this. I bet the director kept telling them to slower and slower every scene. Then glasses guy falls and dies.

Still not interested. Back to rock climbing! Ends at 57:34. TWENTY-TWO MINUTES AND THIRTY-FOUR SECONDS OF ROCK CLIMBING! I should be glad, but at this point have just gone numb from boredom. Back into the jungle. Time to wander. They chat for a bit and still it seems like nothing has changed. They find that the island is covered in uranium. To add some tension or action we see a dinosaur track. Then we find a Brontosaurus. I love in these close ups it gives the guys stubble to look like they’ve been through a lot. Yeah the did rock climb for about twenty minutes. They portray it like a violent carnivore, that’ll attack without being provoked when in actuality they’re HERBIVORES! Jesus Christ it’s like they haven’t seen any other movie or, as we’ll later be quoting. They just didn’t care. One of the guys climbs up a tree to avoid the BRONTOSAURUS and no surprise he almost gets eaten cause of it.

Almost because they unload bullets into it. They chat for a bit by the fire and like usual it just seems like padding than anything. Two of the guys left so they go out looking for them and they find them. One wedge between some rocks so they start giving them crab before a Triceratops shows up. Another Herbivore portrayed as a Carnivore. Also the only thing that can kill a triceratops is a bigger triceratops. Quote Qui-Gon Jinn, “There’s always a bigger fish!” They chat for a bit and now we learn one of them is Russian. More wandering. Now a Pterodactyl. They kill and want to eat it, but they find the space ship! Finally! Then the find the Triceratops and Brontosaurus. Then the characters died. Hopefully. Please? Annoying engineer and some other guy get all the dinosaurs away by shooting repeatedly and they get to the rocket. They find the black box or whatever they were looking for. Then the annoying engineer is killed the triceratops, which just leaves after a bit. They run over to mourn his dea- Nope jump cut and they’re BACK ON THE MOUNTAIN! NOOOO! Thankfully instead of showing us all of the climb down they just dissolve to random points. WHY COULDN’T THE CLIMB UP BE LIKE THIS? Then the mountain starts exploding. I kid you not! Instead of dying they reach the bottom and get away on a boat. Also the camera shakes like the cameraman had parkinson’s disorder. Then they die at sea! The end!
They joked in the beginning that Sam Newfield (director) and Sigmund Neufeld (producer) were brothers. They actually are. Sam changed his name when he became a director. Opening skit is Joel giving the bots a pep talk, which is pretty nice to see. For the invention exchange a moveable treadmill and Frank has a schematic for stairs and the rowboat. Joel doesn’t have time for his invention this week and I just noticed that Dr. F might have a ponytail in this episode. I approve! Also…Rock climbing! Next skit is Joel and the bots telling a joke and a ship is coming into OH MY GOD! THIS JOKE IS NOT FUNNY! They meet Hugh Beaumont an actor from the movie as who claims to be a member of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. I HATE THIS JOKE! Middle skit is The Explorers is a mini play about a condescending explorer to some smart natives who refuse to support the White Male Reality. Eh. Stupid sketch. Next skit. Joel is playing with a model of the rock climbing. Also they see a cool thing. We don’t see what it is, but it’s apparently awesome. Joel and the bots then tell the viewers to send in what they think the cool thing is. Dumb. Last skit they talk about the movie and talk about how terrible this is. This episode sucks. Well the movie is slow, dull, and boring as all hell! The acting and story are incomprehensible and I barely knew any of the characts. The episode has a lot of funny lines, but they aren’t worth it for the bad skits and boring as hell movie. Just watch the best hits of the episode.
Episode Rating – 6/10
Movie Rating – 1/10
Favorite Riff – “Well fellas we’ve come across a sacred burial ground. Lets defile it!”
Stinger – Two of the guys sitting by the fire and one declaring he’ll go to bed.
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmT851VXRXo
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoTOAkzQk-4