First up is a short about college! In color! We see a girl and a narration talking about how people were doing their regular routine. Then there’s an assembly for the girls only. Is this a sex short? Can they show this on TV? An old lady whom talks about someone who took a course in home economics teaches it. Then there’s a girl who took home economics for decorating. That’s the whole assembly. All about women who took home economics and are now successful or domesticated. Our girl suddenly gets interested in home economics and how it would be worth a lot to go to college. All the while I’d like to imagine that a bunch of the other girls are studying to become doctors or something. Actually something that hasn’t changed is that college dorms look like jail cells. Nothing a few posters can’t fix. They study things like house hold stuff, food, clothes, decorating, and mending. This…shot of the band playing at the football field looks like it was used in a later short we’ll see in two episodes. The girls discuss their plans and our girl decides she wants to teach. Wait…It started out as a domestication and house thing, but now it goes into teaching. Be more focused! Then just a bunch of footage of the girls doing things relating to their jobs. Then a whole course/group on home making. Also there are only like six or seven seniors in the year. They graduate and the end.
The full title of this movie is The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent. Talk about a mouth full. Directed by Roger Corman. I actually find it funny that his credit is usually the last one to appear. A narration talks about the gods and the Vikings. This movie shows Corman’s signature of strong women. They see a cloud of a sailing ship and they decide to go searching for the Vikings. Also they vote by throwing their spears at a tree. What if they miss? Do they lose their vote or dot hey get to throw again.

Their ‘dark priestess’ votes to go and it surprises them. There’s small talk about dudes and then we see a montage of shipbuilding. It doesn’t not look as cool as they Argo though. We see the lone male snuck onto the ship and for some reason that’s bad I guess. He’s sexist and I guess that’s why no one likes him. He’s also being loud. The girls say they see a Sea Serpent, but it’s actually just a whale. Honestly mistake I guess.

Then the dark priest lady drops the sail on someone. Why the hell? What did that accomplish? Then a shark comes at one of the girls when she jumps out to check a piece of driftwood. Then the Sea Serpent shows up. Didn’t take all that long. Quote Joel, “This is pretty exuberant for Roger Corman.”

The ship gets truck by lightning and everyone goes flying. They land on the shores on an island of men. Then they’re just led to their leader. Also this one guy is obsessed with whipping people. Like the SOL crew I’m convinced that he’s off script. Also BRONSON CAVE! We meet their king and his furry hat. He confirms the Vikings survived and now we meet his son Senja. He’s also spoiled and annoying. He just slaps one of the girls. They then go on the boar hunt with the warriors. They use similar dog footage from Teenage Caveman. Halfway through the hunt we see that our male has fled back. Also Senja hits himself in the head and gets attacked by the boar. The boar is just a regular pig with horns attached to it. Senja has the funniest line readings. And now it’s party time! Senja challenges the women to arm wrestling and I don’t know if he’s actually strong of she let him win. This time It’s confirmed that it is the second. Then the king claims they are now his slaves. The man is brought to the party hall and he attacks and attempts to escape. He puts up a damn good fight too. They are brought to the set of Teenage Caveman and we see a skull and the Viking men reduced to slaves. The male is made a slave and the girls are locked in a room. They say a window is to small to fit through and bullcrap! I could fit through that. The black haired dark priest girl escapes in a struggle. The men escape and begin to fight the guards. The stupid waffles joke gets into the episode and it’s getting very annoying. They are all recaptured and are forced to do a test. The black haired girl betrays them and informed the people of the Viking’s attempt. She attempts to seduce him and she gets a ring to sleep with one of the beefy blonde Vikings. She tries to convince him to flee with him. He declines the offer so she storms off and tells the two Vikings should die. The blonde beefcake and the lead lady are two die. Senja sets them fire.

Also the blonde beefcake cannot act. The black haired priest lady declares that his gods are false. Rain comes down, puts out the fired, and lightning kills Senja. Their king sucks at combat and his sword is so bad he cannot cut through a stick. The king holds a funeral for his son and burns a lady for him to have in the afterlife. This movie seems like it was filmed right beside Teenage Caveman. Black haired priest is leaving signs for the men and dogs to follow her to get them away from the main gang. The gang flees into the water and dies to the serpent’s massive fangs! Just kidding. Our male hero stays behind to hold back the soldiers I guess. The villains give chase and our male hero somehow gets back to the gang. The Sea Serpent loses interest in the Vikings for some reason so blonde beefcake throws a dagger in its head. The serpent grows angry and kills our villains. Now they are several days away from shore and have to paddle the WHOLE WAY BACK! They make it back and there was much rejoicing. The end.
In the prologue Joel tries to convince the Bots of all his wonderful recipes of waffles. The prologue itself is kind of funny. I like waffles, but I’m more of a pancake guy. Next up for the invention exchange The Mads have made the Meat Re-Animator, which brings a dead chicken back to life. Joel makes an iron that turns waffles into pancakes. What’s with all the waffles!? Sick of waffle talk yet? Yes? Well too bad! Joel re-programs the Bots into his waffle obsession. There’s much crazy talk. Ugh. Next skit is super complex and has a lot of depth. Joel walks on and says, “Waffles.” That’s it. There is a hilarious blooper where when comes out and just says pancakes instead of waffles. That alone is pretty hilarious. Also it’s the shortest skit in the shows history. This joke will not make sense. Tom says he has had too much waffles. He declares that waffles should just vanish. Willy the Waffle presents the ideas of a waffle-free world after Servo eats one too many. This is kinda funny, but tis a reference to a short that won’t be done for another seven seasons! Last skit is the stupid waffle song and Dr. F tells them to shut the hell up about waffles. Thank you.
This was a very funny episode joke wise, but goddamn it the stupid waffle jokes sucked! All the skits about waffles were annoying as hell and tha tone skit where he just said waffles had no purpose! I get it that sometimes you just can’t write a jokes for an episode (speaking from experience about the Women of the Prehistoric Planet review) , but this was just annoying. The funniest part about the skits was Frank fighting the chicken in the background at the end of the invention exchange and the blooper! Watch the episode skip the skits.
Episode Rating – 8/10
Movie Rating – 4/10
Favorite Riff – “Look at that. Corman got his shot, catered the crew, and got a costume for Teenage Caveman all in one go.” & “Man this short about home economics has taken a weird turn somewhere along the line.”
Stinger – “But you don’t understand! I’M A PRINCE!”
Possible Stinger – Senja getting struck by lightning

THE FINAL GAMERA MOVIE! We see a base on a moon and a monster called Zigra destroys the base and captures a rover. Then Sea World. We see two businessmen talking about their kids and we see them being kids. Then we see animals at Sea World and a guy creepily starring at them. Might just be the Bots making it creepier. Oh god this movie has the worst kids! Kenny and Helen are so annoying! One of the guys gets so disturbed when he hears they have to cut open a seal/dolphin to autopsy. He’s apparently the dolphin trainer. Two guys sit by the sea shore and talk about humans are assholes. Their food id gone and the kids snuck on and ate their food. The same ship from earlier lands in the sea and it looks like it has candy all over it. Our heroes go to find it and get captured. OH GOD NO! Time for the kids to shout GAMERA! This time it just hurts. They get captured by the ship. We see Zigra has a female servent who does the knob lifting and stuff. The kids say she’s an alien. One of the guys calls out that they’ve never heard of Zigra. It’s an alien of course you haven’t heard about it before dumbass! Also who shot this scene. It’s a far wide shot for a solid two minutes.

She just wants them to tell the world about Zigra. He still calls her out being from space! Grips hair in frustration DUMBASS! YOU GOT TELEPORTED HERE, SAW AN ALIEN HEAD, AND AN OBVIOUS SHIP! DUMBASS! So to prove things she says she’ll destroy Japan with an earthquake. Also to call out the cinematography again, the lady is talking, but the shot is completely unfocused. Also she is complaining about the ocean again. The kids make annoying noises as we have an annoying chase between them and the alien. Zigra tells the girl to kill the kids. Good to know who I’m gonna root for. He says that the kids know to much, but she just mad an announcement to kill everyone. The kids somehow make a sail somehow and break my ears when Zigra almost runs them down on the boat. Then we see our buddy Gamera. Then we hear the Gamera song as the kids loudly and annoyingly praise him. I still prefer the MST3K’s version. The kids Gamera just leave to get help. The kids meet and old Japanese hermit. They call him out for looking like a bum. He’s a bum get over it. The military demands answers about the ship and the kids say it’s like the ones on TV. But like which ones? The Galactica? The Enterprise? The ship from Fugitive Alien? The Satellite of Love? See there’s a lot of ships on TV. Also when the soldier doesn’t get it and asks about ships on TV the kid says he’s old fashioned. TV is overrated kiss my ass. The kids get in an argument over whose mom is prettier. The soldier asks about special powers and after explaining it to the kids Kenny says strange sounds like when daddy drinks. He also makes strange sounds when he ‘naps’ with mommy in the middle of the day. The adults can’t wake up and the military dudes go to attack Zigra. Knowing the military in kaiju films this won’t end well. So female alien shows up on the beach and steals a bikini to blend in. The fish guy and a hotel owner debating taking a bunch of fish. Quote Crow, “WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO ANYTHING?” So fish guy doesn’t care about soldiers or people. Just fish. Bikini alien hops into the car with fish guy and he stupidly brings them to her. She steals a more modest outfit. At least she keeps using her knock out powers. And Gamera. The annoying kids are almost killed, but they escape by throwing light objects at her. They easily lose her and its so how easily they get away. She is not only incompetent, but also stupid. The kids get her in an elevator and break my ears. “Gamera can beat anyone!” Except he gets his ass kicked in every movie. Gamera fights the space ships and wins for most of it. Until Zigra shifts into his ship form and he just swims circle around him.

You know after like five minutes of the two monsters just flopping around and making noise it is very, very annoying. He flies Zigra onto the surface and we cut to the fish guy. Also why is there a hospital in sea world? Now the fish guy’s purpose. He brings up sonar and they use that to snap the people out of hypnosis. By that I mean he just shouts into a transceiver for a while. Alien girl threatens to throw the kids to the dolphins. They shout into the transceiver and get the hypnosis out of the girl. She was one of the astronauts. Also like Gamera vs. Barugon, Gamera is just out for the count. The two scientists from earlier who just woke up go down in a submarine to wake up Gamera, but say it with me “They kids snuck on board!” The guys are rightly pissed, but can’t lock them back in the area they were before. A slash from Zigra strikes a leak. Their surface risers are damaged so they’ll take a while, they have an hour of air, and are leaking. TWO KIDS ARE DYIN’ TONIGHT! Then they die. They find out that Zigra is weak to lights. Zigra threatens to kill them, but says he’ll save them if they submit to him. One of the guys says they’ll surrender to Zigra. Mr. Spock has a quote for you, “The needs of the many, out way the needs of the few.” In other words screw he guys in the submarine and let them die. Then Zigra shoots a laser at them. I don’t care if they die. As a matter of fact I’m glad. Gamera saves the people somehow then fights Zigra.One boring fight later and I still don’t care. The kids are still annoying as all hell. The fight ends with Gamera dropping him onto some rocks and he becomes bipedal for some reason. Looks cooler in this form.

Gamera spends a crap ton of time in this movie messing around and plays Zigra’s back like an instrument. Just kill him already. One last annoying out burst from the kids leads to Gamera burning Zigra to death. How many species has Gamera made extinct. Then we make another environmental message. The end. Thank god.
In the opening Joel and the Bots throw a root beer kegger. They’re celebrating because it’s the last Gamera movie. Magic Voice gets drunk. Odd considering she has no corporal form. For the invention exchange we see the Mads make Three Stooges Guns (offensive & defensive) and Joel & the Bots makes Crow T. Shish-ka-bob. Fun. Next up is a model that shows the inside of Gamera. Not funny. Middle skit is shoebox dioramas about the Gamera movies. Tom does Barugon, Crow does Gaos, Gypsy does Richard Basehart, and Joel is MST3K. The Joel’s and Gypsy’s actually got me to laugh a bit. In this sketch grown Kenny & Helen come to visit on Gamera. Mike Nelson & Bridget Jones (first appearance) play the two and it’s amazing. They are poorly dubbed and have annoying screechy voices that talk about nonsense. The best part is the terrible dubbing where they obviously are out of sync and are just making empty noise for a bit. They sing variants of the Gamera theme. Not as funny. This episode sucks. Plain and simple. The kids are the most irritating in the franchise, the action sucks and is almost non existent, the characters are also annoying, and the monster is just dumb. I’m so glad this is the last one because I can’t take anymore. Avoid it!
Episode Rating – 1/10
Movie Rating – 1/10
Favorite Riff – Singing the Gamera theme
Stinger – Fish guy complains about the hotel owner
Possible Stinger – Japanese bum laughs
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jGeDuW_yBo
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLIWrY63yT8

First short is a guy narrating water sports. First is watching girls water ski, new kids water skiing, and more water skiing. That’s pretty much it. Sometimes in slow-mo sometimes not. Next up is Catching Trouble. We meet Ross. He has a Native American guide. They go out to catch live animals in the Zoo. Then we see footage of a wild cat. Then the native cuts down the tree that wild cat is in. The narrator frequently refers to Ross as his Boyfriend. He just drops the cat off a tree and they catch it again. Then bear cubs. He just wrangles the first bear and they tie it up. While Ross torments the crying bear Joel and the Bots remark that this is awful to watch. Also there’s no Mother. So we sadly don’t see it rip Ross apart, but knowing this means he shot the mom. Ross then torments a few snakes. It’s amusing to see Joel & the bots root for the snakes to kill Ross. Ross leaps into the water to try and catch the bear. They say this is all authentic, but there’s an underwater camera waiting for them. Most of these are stages shots it’s obvious. Then more depressing shots of the bears crying. The end. Feel that tingle on the back of your neck? That means your still human. Keep that.
Onto the actual movie we see a biblical narration about the opening. There was goodness, and then man came and screwed everything up. We have Robert Vaughn as our thirty five year old Teenager with well-groomed hair. So everyone lives in a small tribe next to Bronson Cave. I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women. Our hero is shown disobeying the all-important law, by going by the forbidden river.
Doesn’t he look just like a teen?
The two talk of the law and how vague it is and how it stops them from killing each other. Then about how the forest is full of evil things and The God that Gives Death with a Single Touch. That is seriously what everything is called. Our heroes’ dad is called Symbol Maker. Our hero is called “Symbol Maker’s Son”. Then we see our hero question why people sit around staring at small fires, the wheel, and building and breaking. Legos? That surely is a gift from god. A beard guy tells him about how he should break the laws and learn new things. The leader gives them a speech and they make some symbols. They are apparently clairvoyant too. So they make some symbols while the son frequently asks questions. Some guys go hunt stock footage. They shake some rattles and they find a guy in a bear suit. He attacks the father, but they kill it.

Dad has ancient surgery and the guy once gain tells him to cross the river. Turns out he wants Symbol Maker’s Son to die. The Symbol Maker’s Son gets his buddies to travel with him. Symbol Maker’s Son discovers the flute and they get attacked by a giant Komodo Dragon. Then the same stock footage from Robot Monster of “Dinos” fighting. One of the guys falls in…quicksand. They mean water. Quote the bots, “Oh look he’s invented swimming!” “No looks like he invented drowning.” Symbol Maker’s Son wanders a while and tries to kill a squirrel. He kills one next time though. Then more dino stock footage. He makes a fire on super grassy land, which is just the greatest idea. He sees a stupid guy in a costume with long ass fingers and a beak and big eyes. HE FOUND TRUMPY! Nah its The God that Gives Death with a Single Touch. Symbol Maker’s Son runs away and hits his head on a tree and is knocked out. That is funny. Our heroes’ dad gets better and goes off to find his son. At least he cares about his son. When he gets better he’ll go save his son. Symbol Maker’s Son gets up with some newfound intelligence as he makes a bow and arrows. It works too! He kills a deer with it. Dad gets batter and Symbol Maker’s Son makes his way back. Then some dogs chase after the deer’s blood. Dad comes and saves Symbol Maker’s Son. There is a trial for him with lawman demanding his death, but instead of death they instead shun him. Then Symbol Maker’s Son and lawman fight. He’s about to shoot an arrow, but boss says they have to stop. He goes to peep on a girl and seduces her with his pan flute skills.

Then a guy wanders in from a different movie. It’s a guy from the burning plain (the desert). He rides a horse and falls. They try to throw spears, but they miss and he still dies. He calls out for peace with last breath. They boss, father, and son talk about re-writing the law and it shall be hard. Symbol Maker’s Son becomes an adult now. Symbol Maker’s Son accurately predicts the movies ending. He has his own place. He’s also married. Good for him I guess. Despite being an adult now he speaks of the forest. So our hero also made the quiver. How did he get the leather? The father leaves to save his son. Lawman gives crap to the women. You know I think his problem is his limp stopped him from breeding. Then cut to everyone running through the forest. Symbol Maker’s Son meets the The God that Gives Death with a Single Touch.

The father sees the creature and the son wants to spare the The God that Gives Death with a Single Touch. The dogs maul some people. Lawman drops a rock on The God that Gives Death with a Single Touch so the Symbol Maker’s Son kills him. They find out that The God that Gives Death with a Single Touch is actually an old, old man. He says that it was the radiation suit that kept him alive for 500 years. He kept a small diary that everyone can read somehow. Well it’s mostly pictures and they were of old Earth. PLOT TWIST! IT WAS THE FUTURE ALL ALONG! Thanks Shyamalan! He gives us an ending narration about the evils of nuclear war. The End.
Opening skit is Joel & the Bots bored out of the mind during a rainstorm. They decide to make poker. Eh. The invention exchange is Vomiting Drinks for Joel and the Bots. Crow’s is chocolate milk + pickle juice, Tom’s is circus peanuts + warm strawberry Quik + a punch in the stomach, and Joel’s is Lucky Charms + cherry Nyquil. Dr. F and Frank are fighting when Frank turns on an evil machine. Seeing Frank go crazy is pretty funny! Next skit is a delightful sight. Catching Ross. Joel and Crow tormenting Ross. They beat him with hammers, catching in bags, punching him, chain sawing his tree down, lighting him on fire, the rattlesnake then keeps him company, stuff him in a box, and shaking said box. Tom put is best, “If you ever enjoyed Catching Trouble in anyway, there’s something wrong with you.” Joel shows the Bots a history of Technology. This bores them to sleep. Technology’s greatest achievement? The Flying Nun. We don’t see it cause Dr. F & Frank are still fighting. Still pretty funny. Next skit is people talking about human development. They wax poetics. Kind of thing I’d do with my film loving buddies I’ll be honest. Last skit is the Bots parodying the narrator. More importantly Dr. F and Frank aren’t fighting anymore. Pretty funny.
This episode is hilarious. The skits are funny, the jokes are hilarious, and there was a great bunch of running gags. It was loads of fun to watch and write considering that I kept using their longer and actual names. The movie sucked. It was slow, dumb, and preachy as all hell on both sides. Beach Dickerson did quadruple roles. Not only is he the fair-haired boy that drowns in quicksand, he is also the stranger riding in from the burning plains, the bear that attacks the hunting party, and even plays a drummer during the funeral for his own character. Also that clip of the Symbol Maker’s Son hitting his head will never be unfunny.
Episode Rating – 10/10
Movie Rating – 3/10
Favorite Riff – Pretty much all of Catching Trouble, frequently mentioning inventing things, Ron won’t stop touching our hero, “Roger Corman. This must have been painstaking filmed over three days!”, “Oh look he’s invented swimming!” “No looks like he invented drowning.”
Stinger – The 35 year old Teenage Caveman runs into a tree and gets knocked out.
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3qoqkKCK3M
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qziOla3ZrI

Sandy Frank! Sandy Frank! We have to watch Sandy Frank! (Those sentences were sung while being written.) Mighty Jack opens similar to Fugitive Alien with shots of a ship sitting in dock. This time is a submarine and boat. This one is yet again torn apart from a Japanese TV show, but instead of doing the full season they simply did the first and sixth episodes. Then pictures of slavery and death! We hear a group named Q wants to take over the world and force peace. So the Japanese president forms a group to stop Q called Mighty Jack. Mighty Jack is to be formed from talented men and women. We get shot around to different locations then we stop at Paris as we see people drinking, people smoking, and lamps. A man drives off. His car gets caught in a net and he is flown away. His name is Mr. Atari and Q captured him. Some lady talks about it to a colonel and he contacts Mighty Jack. Also one of them is named Catharine. How many are named Ken? Then a bizarre dolly shot as Catherine and the general talking. Atarai throws a button that explodes, a shot of pistons, and then a member of MJ talking to the general. They go flying and they try to find Mr. Atari. Atari pulls the heel off and finds a communicator. Is no one watching him on a camera? He puts some stuff together and like Tom I am bored and humming a song to myself. They find his location and Q’s jet fires at MJ’s ship. Then we see a toy boat pretending to be a real boat. They get the exact signal and it looks like the came person who plays Tammy is Fugitive Alien. “We have to send out Mighty Jack!” Didn’t you already? So the ship rises from the water and flies into a boat I think. They lock him in his chair I guess then drop something on him. It’s said to blind him and they say the light would blind him. Wouldn’t that also scorch his skin? He immediately caves. A woman talks into her lipstick outside of MJ’s headquarters. She pulls the eye off a picture and I assume that was a hiding spot for MJ. Q contacts them and threatens them with a nuke and says if they give over MJ they’ll free Atari. One of the guys in MJ says they shouldn’t and leave him cause Atari gives him some sass. An assassin threatens the colonel and when she flees she exploded. One of the members of MJ scuba dives onto an island and his clothes are dry. Must have the Formal Flippers. Another member of MJ goes out to meet Jerry the member of MJ who just found Atari. He rolls on like four suppressors too. Then cause the guy who came in screwed up all the doors and windows lock and poison gas is leaked into the room. Also all Jerry’s suppressors are gone! Jerry tries to swat away the gas, which is just humorous. Atari says, “Don’t move! We have to get a out!” He just contradicted himself. Apparently it was the other guy who had all the suppressors. He blows up the door. Before they can leave Atari says they have to blow up the building. They drive off in their boat at night then a jet flies out of the water in the morning, then Q fires the nukes at night, and MJ bombing them at night. I assume the take off shot from the water was stock footage from earlier. Then more missiles fired in the day, then to night, then back to morning, then more stock footage of a shot we just saw! Jesus I have never had a more appropriate need to use this line from Ed Wood! “What do you know about film making? It’s called suspension of disbelief!” Atari suggests they blow up the island and they immediately bend to his whim. Then we see slowed down footage of the ship crashing in water. Atari is actually a Major. Did no one think to brief anyone? Atari talks to the colonel and they talk about an alloy and breakfast. MJ goes to Antarctica and finds Q there. We see some toy divers do to a place. MJ blows up a Q submarine. Jerry and some other guy get hurt. The colonel talks abut how a possible Q base made entirely of ice. Then we see that Q is spying on MJ. Then the leader of Q laughs. In boredom the gang sings the “Forklift Song” from Fugitive Alien. A girl sent t o investigate is beaten by Q and is saved by a guitar player. He’s apparently a guy who helped out in a 3rd world. Then cut to a scantly dancer. I love where this scene is headed. Doesn’t go anywhere sadly. He talks to her about MJ so I assume he’s a member of Q. Someone tries to snipe them and they run off to stop him instead of trying to shoot at him. These agents suck at their job. They find a transparent bullet and it cannot melt. Also colonel finally found the Q tracker. He apparently knew about it. They ask a doctor who they suspect is a member of Q about the hot ice bullet. Turns out the doctor’s assistant we just met named Fritz is also his son. The guitar dude captures Catherine and gives her to Q. Fritz betrays the doctor. The doctor acts surprised, but he is German. Two members of MJ go to inspect the Doctor’s house and find a thing that super freezes water. We see its Fritz and him and a guy fight. They go to a boat with a bunch of the stuff and they get on it. The obvious Q agent tries to run off, but he screws up. Fritz freezes some stuff and they immediately surrender to him. A gunfight ensues and they almost capture Fritz. He explodes. WHAT? He opens the briefcase with the freezer and he explodes! They plan to destroy the hot ice, but it can’t be destroyed. Also their engine is about to explode. So evil shall win? More footage of lasers and missiles then Mighty Jack wins.
Opening skit is the bots freaking out that the Satellite is in ruins and Joel is dead! He actually isn’t. Pretty funny I’ll admit. Invention exchange is the Mads create Formal Flippers for those formal spying occasions. Joel demonstrates his Ear-Shaped Earmuffs, so you don’t have dorky balls of fuzz on either side of your head. I don’t wear earmuffs or go scuba diving. Dr. F has wonderful legs though. Also Frank remarks that he wants kids. Next skit is Mighty Jack themed dog food. The spokesperson is a crappy puppet made by Crow and is pretty creepy. Joel breaks the fourth wall by saying, “Lets see how the pros do it.” Middle segment is The Bots imprison Joel in the blinding light compartment from the movie. Joel foils their plans by closing his eyes. They constantly remark that Joel is too smart. It’s pretty funny to see the bots in this one especially Crow going off his script on being a cat. Next skit is Joel showing the Bots how cheap underwater filming is done by way of an aquarium. More importantly Crow got offers for Earth vs Soup! In the final sketch the SOL crew sings the old plot chanty “Slow the Plot Down” and gets Mighty Jack confused with other famous films. I’ll admit I didn’t like this episode at all. It just wasn’t funny. As for the movie I don’t like spy movies aside from James Bond and I only like Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, and some of Roger Moore’s movies. The effects sucked and they compressed the first episode and an episode in the middle of a season. Really some people might like it more I didn’t like it at all.
Episode Rating – 1/10
Movie Rating – 1/10
Favorite Riff – ‘Contact our agent now!’ “We want out of this film!”
Stinger – Fritz explodes.

First up is a short. Right off the bat and I can’t understand a word of what these people are saying and time is hiccupping. A man goes over stuff to do and stuff to not do. You must be heard, understood, and pleasing. Then a story about headhunters. Our narrator talks about being dull and boring. Like him. ‘She can’t be heard, she can’t be understood, and she’s not very pleasing.’ Well that’s all a matter of opinion and how would you know how pleasing she was? Next guy doesn’t believe in opening his mouth. He says carelessness is the one thing stopping us from being good speakers. ‘Have you found yourself yet?’ Wow I wasn’t expecting such insightful thought from a PSA about speaking, but no I’m working on it. Then its close ups on mouths as we see people talk. He says use plenty of lip and tongue action. This is apparently a teacher saying this to a class.

Yet another Bert I. Gordon film. This time it’s about giant spiders. It starts at night and someone is driving down the road. He looks at a bracelet gift he’s going to give his daughter Carol distracting himself from the dark road. He is then killed. Tom cleverly says, “I don’t think the movie’s about him.” Then we see Carol and her boyfriend Mike. Mike is unintentionally an asshole about her missing dad. Mike & Carol drive off to look for her dad. I love the SoL’s jokes about a dead dad. She finds her dad’s gift on the side of the road and the destroyed car down a ditch. Mike is actually trying to justify that her dad MIGHT still be alive. Mike and Carol go in the cave and they wander for a bit. They find some skeleton, but they keep going. Shortly thereafter they fall into a giant spider web and a giant spider with it. They flee the cave and report the web to their teacher. The teens report the spider and while the cops and teacher don’t believe them, her dad is still missing so they round up a party to search the cave. They also may joke, but they bring high caliber rifles AND have the pest control bring gasses to kill potential spiders. While wandering the sheriff shotguns down a bat. They do eventually find shriveled up prune daddy.

They find the web and bring the gas in. They encounter the spider and one of the guys really looks like Dr. Erhardt from season 1! Quote Joel “So that’s what happened to him!” So yeah everybody between season 1 and season 2 he was killed by a giant spider. Well now they have their proof of giant spiders. Carol lost her bracelet in the cave and while the sheriff wants to board it up the scientist wants to leave it oven so people can study the spiders. This seems unwise. They study the spider, but it’s leg moves. Mike works at his dad’s theater and it’s playing….Attack of the Puppet People and The Amazing Colossal Man. Such shameless plugs. They keep borrowing the car from his buddy Joe. The spider is woken up by a crappy band of people. People walk in and they start dancing. The spider gets up and kills a janitor. The spider wanders through the streets attacking people.

A particularly stupid lady gets her dress stuck in a car door and she tries to pull it out instead of opening the car door. There’s a humorous shot of the spider creeping outside the window, but the sheriff and teacher are staring at a wall. The spider shows up at the teacher’s house and almost gets to his family. Carol and Mike (It honestly took me a while to remember his name) look around for the bracelet and go even deeper than before. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand they were never seen again. Sure the bracelet is kind of important to her, but their goddamn lives are at stake. The sheriff once again says they should have boarded it up, but one of the guys poses a better option and says they can blow the entrance up and seal the whole cave in. But our leads are still in there! There’s a bunch of padding of them wandering around the cave and the cops show up with the dynamite. The couple tries to climb up through the web, but they get stuck (NO SHIT).

The two get trapped inside with the cave and the people are told to open up the cave. The couple calls for help so the SoL crew makes jokes about the short. They dig down into the cave and save the kids. Then they use lighting rods or something to shock the spider to death. Then they seal it up again. The end.
It’s “Inside the Robot Mind” with host Crow T. Robot and special guest Tom Servo! They don’t get past the introduction. For the Invention Exchange TV’s Frank uses the cheese phone and Joel presents the CD Blow Dryer to replace the In-Salon 8-Track and the Portable Dryer Cassette models. Next skit is Crow talking about how he’s writing scripts for when he gets down to Earth. His script is Earth vs Soup. Soup creeps around on all fours. What did you guys think Soup was a biped or something? Middle skit is the SoL crew dressed in spider suits discussing their rock opera group Spidorr. Then a giant high school pulls up next to them! NO! A space janitor come sup and talks to them. NO! The skit should have ended when they were about to play for the second time. Joel and the Bots lament the loss of cool, yet dangerous toys of the past, like Creepy Crawlers and Lawn Darts. Eh. Tom and Crow write reports. Tom’s report focuses on Bert I. Gordon’s common themes. Crow’s isn’t finished yet. Frank has repercussions from consuming the entire cheese phone. Once again eh. There are a lot of funny jokes and moments from the episode and movie. Just like Gamera vs. Guiron I had forgotten just how funny it was. The jokes in the episode were very funny, but the skits seemed to lack a sense of flair aside from Earth vs. Soup. Like before it was very good, just not one of my favorites.
Episode Rating – 8/10
Movie Rating – 3/10
Favorite Riff – After the dad is killed, “I don’t think the movie’s about him.”
Stinger – A poor speaker from the short rambles on.
Possible Stinger – “Use lots of lip and tongue action.”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46nS8HdWVsg
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tINr-ML_CdU

Gamera is back and I didn’t miss him. This time there are two child leads and one of them is a white kid. Scientists hear noises from space and both them and the press believe there is an otherworldly source for alien life. He gives an explanation of all the planets and says it most be some fake planet. Then we get to see our kids…Our poorly dubbed, awfully acted, and annoying kids. For some reason the little girls are the worst of all. The Japanese kid is named Akio and the white kid is named Tom. I sense a poor future for Tom considering the last episode. They love space and they freak out when they see a UFO, but who wouldn’t. Their mother shows up and scolds them for not studying. Akio talks about how the space aliens are probably more advanced and don’t have war or traffic accidents. Cut to the morning and they are biking away to the UFO. First they see a man practicing with a wooden sword so Tom shoots his towel away or something. Then he threatens to shave their heads. The generic music makes Crow and Tom singing along to it. They find the ship then Tom and Akio walk inside. They joke that it’s time for take off and they ACTUALLY DO LIFT OFF! The dumbasses pull up the stairs and fly off. Then there are some asteroids and they still don’t know how to control the ship. The asteroid crashes into the ship smashing the hull, cracking the glass, and making them both die of asphyxiation. Sadly no Gamera shows up and knocks the asteroid away. They say they want to race Gamera, but they still don’t know how to fly it. Sadly now we hear the Gamera song sung by some annoying kids. All the while the SoL crew make fun of the lyrics.

The ship speeds off leaving Gamera. The sister tells the space ship story to her mom and she obviously doesn’t believe her. I really want to skip every scene with her because she makes me ears hurt. They land on a barren planet and they think it’s the new planet. They mistakenly call Earth a star. Then Gaos shows up! Not entirely they call it a Space Gaos because it’s painted silver instead of black. Then a river drains and a new monster shows up. This is Guiron. He is a dog like monster with a giant sword for a face. Kind of cool actually.

Gaos fires of a laser, but Guiron deflects it with the sword and the laser slices of Gaos’ leg! Gaos flies off to try and attack, but Guiron leaps up and slices of a wing. Crow is making a ton of bad jokes during this. Then Guiron chops of the other wing. Then Gaos makes noises like it’s begging for mercy, but Guiron slices of it’s head! Guiron chops the rest of the body up like a butcher.
YOU KNOW! FOR KIDS!!!
The kids think Guiron saw them, but they run into a small pyramid thing that teleports them around. They once again mistake the planet for the star and they go inside a building. The two go on a conveyor belt and they are moved all around. Two aliens watch them and they sound like annoying chipmunks. They show up with human looking bodies and they speak English with technologies. Apparently everyone mistakes Earth and the new planet Terra for stars. Speaking of which, Terra is directly on the opposite side of Earth. Makes you wonder why no one ever finds worlds like this. Another Gaos shows up so they release Guiron again. Akio once again displays his joy of a perfect world is no work, wars, or traffic accidents. Quote Crow, “What is his obsession with traffic accidents?” Guiron is their watchdog against Gaos who wiped out their entire race aside from the two of them. Within five hours the planet is supposed to freeze over. Gamera keeps flying around looking for them. The aliens say the ship can only eat two people. They plan to eat the kids. Akio looks dead eyed then one of the aliens wants to know what he’s thinking. All he has on the mind is bagels. He mentions Gamera and we see stock footage of the previous movies. Then we see stock footage of Gamera vs. Viras a movie we didn’t see. Akio wakes up and he says they both want bagels. They want to eat their brains because they think they’ll take all their intelligence.

Then cut back to Earth and the adults talk about their kids. That scene was pointless. Then cut to the cop and the girl, then cuts to them finding the bikes. They go to the empty area where the ship used to be. The best part of this scene is Tom’s mom shrugging off in the distance. The cop Cornjob believes her and sees what he could do. Tom’s mom doesn’t seem to understand the concept of humoring someone. The boys get their bagels, which I just, realized am donuts. Then they hear Gamera. The two are drugged and they are going to eat the boys. They shave Tom’s head and before they can eat him Gamera shows up. Guiron is released and the two fight. Guiron bashes the shell with his blade and blood spurts out. Gamera throws Guiron into a mountain and Gamera unleashes his fire. Then Guiron fires boomerang ninja stars that hit Gamera in the face. He feels better by rubbing his face with ice. Gamera falls into the water and it was super deep. Tom and Akio wake up and run away. They go in a teleporter and imagine if they warp into the area that was taken over by Gaos. They break off the nobs to the teleporter and gloat about how the aliens can’t come back. Ha! That’s brilliant! Except for the fact that it in no way hinders then from going there from ANOTHER teleporter and will only hinder their own escape! They are captured and are put in a cage. Proof that the kids are loud and obnoxious is that Gamera hears them at the bottom of the sea! They pull out their dart gun and shoot their way out. They accidently release Guiron and he slices the ship in half. One of the aliens broke her leg so the other kills her. They make annoying noises as they beg for mercy and I think that just makes Guiron want to kill them more. Crow compares this film to Hamlet because everyone dies. The kids escape cause of some rubble and Gamera finishes the fight with Guiron. In the final fight Gamera grabs onto a convenient pole, spins around like he’s on the Olympics, and leaps to make a sweet landing.

The surviving alien tries to power up the room and take the rocket. The kids fire the missile and Gamera catches it, then throws it at Gurion blowing up is head. The kids get inside the ship and Gamera keeps the oxygen inside by biting it. The kids finally come home and everyone arrives to see Gamera come. The kids are found and…the ship is in one piece…Odd. They say they found a planet, but they prefer the Earth. To end the film Akio once again speaks of his dream of a world without war and traffic accidents.

Opening is Crow and Tom Servo play school lunch with real food. A note from his non-existent mom embarrasses Servo. Eh. Crow has a great retort to not being allowed to eat cheese. “It was American cheese so I though it would be fine.” For the invention exchange Joel creates a collapsible garbage can for campers and his idea for a collapsible port-a-potty meets with less acclaim and the Mads do Sexy Rorschach. I would actually like BOTH of Joel’s. Next skit is Joel and the bots singing a fake American version of the Gamera song. Very funny. Next skit is VERY close after the last one. Joel cuts a sleeping Crow in half with Tom, who is dressed like Guiron. Then real Crow shows up and spoils it. That was actually really funny. Second to last skit is a long and boring sketch about the life of Richard Burton, based on the fact that the American kid in the movie vaguely resembles him. Not funny. Except all the booze and ice is kind of funny. A “Japanese” version of the Gamera song, followed by the Mads enjoying tales and songs from Michael Feinstein. Every version of the Gamera song is pretty funny. Mike’s story is funny. This is a funny episode. Not one of my favorites, but damn is it a lot funnier than I remember. The movie sucks. It has too much of the annoying kids and the little girl is the worst. The action is fine and the singing is just funny. The jokes are spot on and the skits are mostly amazing. The Richard Burton skit was long and boring while being stretched for four minutes I felt like I needed a drink. Regardless I recommend it.
Episode Rating – 8/10
Movie Rating – 3/10
Favorite Riff – “That explains it they’re in California! Lack of water, earthquakes, giant…monsters.”, “Gamera! Gamera! Gamera is really neat! Gamera is filled with meat! We’ve been eating Gamera!”, and ‘Those girls are cannibals!’ “They ate my hair!?”
Stinger – One of the kids saying “What a monster!”
Possible Stinger – Guiron decapitating Gaos.

Our short is about snow sports! Entertaining right? We see dudes skate along and skate some more. Then ice dancing. Then ice boating. As you can tell this is really dull to watch. Then dog sledding. Then polar bear swimming. Skiing. The narrator claims the pronunciation is schiing so Joel says he’s full of skit. More skiing. Ice fishing. Ending off with bobsledding. Wasn’t that fun?
Our first Roger Corman film. Certainly won’t be the last! With Lee Van Cleef! A satellite is about to launch and a crew of scientists watches in their room. Then we see three people talking a room. One of them is Lee I think. Then we see our main trio of actors eating dinner together plus another lady. Our other bland hero is named Paul and Lee is named Tom. Tom and Paul play around with a ham radio Tom was building and he shoots radio signals off Venus. The satellite had vanished in space. Then they’re driving down the road and cut back to Tom sitting on a chair as his wife aimlessly wanders the room throwing stuff. Paul shows up at the science base and the satellite somehow comes back. Then he just goes home. Very important few scenes. Tom goes on the radio to speak to the Venusian and how he’s his only friend.

His wife shows up and he talks to her about his alien friend, but she things he’s crazy and should rest. Then she goes to bed without him. Then a general wanders around a room. That’s it. Tom falls asleep on the couch instead of going to bed. What’s the point of half these ten second scenes? The scientists spew out some technobabble and they find that the satellite is unable to come down. Then a UFO comes down and it explodes! Tom says the Venusian is okay and his wife still thinks he’s crazy. We see the Venusian and he looks like a giant pickle with crab claws. Then a montage of…stuff. Construction, records, power lines, random cars not driving, and a plane explodes. All the electricity just sorta stopped for some reason. Also the Venusian came down on the satellite. Tom just keeps talking to the Venusian and it…craps out bats…I do not know. Some people talks about the power outage and I am convinced one of them is named Mr. Asshole. Tom gets punched because he predicted this. One of the bats flies over Paul and his wife then he throws a rock at it. Also Tom’s car is actually working. A bat flies over some cop and it flies into his neck and shocks him. Paul and his wife finally arrive at Tom’s place and they chat as they drink some Bourbon. The bat attacks a military dude and instead of shooting it he tries to hit it with his gun. It stings his neck and he hides it.

Tom admits that the Venusian is taking over the people of the world. Tom has no problem with it and he believes that humans need saving. They talk about some more science and how stupidity is awful. I fully agree with them on that. Tom says we’re being liberated and freed by having our minds taken over. Paul and his wife leave. Tom gets mad at his wife, but she says she’ll stand by him because she believes in him. Tom tells the Venusian to take over the mind of Paul. The controlled General sends some men out to get out of the area. He gives them his working watch. Apparently the Venusian gives power back to those who are controlled. The General says that all the power outages are the Commies’ fault. He has everyone stay in the building for “protection”. Paul and his wife talk about Tom predicting stuff. Tom tells the Venusian about a good hiding spot and Tom is instructed not to leave until the town is evacuated. People run out of the town. Paul follows them to see where they go and he gets no answers. The military men wander into the woods and that’s it. Paul then bikes away as the bat creature gets to his wife. A controlled cop tries to get a news printer out of the town, but he refuses and is killed. He knocks Paul on the ground and lets him go. Tom watches the sky for the bat creatures and Tom tells his wife that they bite people in the neck to control them. This guy is a Communist. I know it. He’s secretly a Communist and he wants everyone to conform and be safe. Tom embraces his wife, but she says it’s a waste and contradicts his idea. She says that all the good things must be kept with the bad. Paul bikes off the military base and is brought back to the town by the general. Paul obviously brings up that the car is working so the General makes a stupid excuse. Paul knocks out the General and drives off. A bat creature flies toward him, but he shoots it. He goes over to Tom’s place and calls him a murder. Paul brings up conformity like this and all the death they caused, but Tom brings up that they brought good change. Paul says he can turn that around on him. Tom says the Venusian wants him, but Paul says he won’t and that he’s the greatest traitor in history because he betrayed all of mankind. Peter Graves as Paul Nelson has amazing monologues! Tom is mourning the fact that he lost his best friend, but his wife says that Paul stayed beside him all along until now. Tom calls that she’s a traitor, but she said that she did nothing and the she struggles to continue love him. Something that Roger Corman does right is that he writes VERY strong female characters. They get stuff done! Paul comes home and his wife was taken over. He calls her out on getting out of the shower, but he doesn’t notice the GODDAMN LIGHTS ON RIGHT NEXT TO HIM! A bat is thrown at him, but he stabs it with a fire poker. Paul says he go over to Tom’s, but he has to do something first. Paul is considered the first, only, and greatest enemy and must be killed. Paul waits for his wife to return and when she does he kills her. The military dudes sit around checking their guns.

Tom kisses his wife then talks about the Venusian. We cut back to the scientists after lord knows how long. The technology comes back on and we see two of them were taken over and they kill the third scientist. Tom goes out to meet Paul and his wife declares the Venusian a coward over the radio and how much she hates it. She declares how much she hates it and she steals the car with armed with a shotgun. Paul and Tom talk about killing the Venusian. She gets out of the car and runs inside the cave and finds the Venusian. It loops the footage of her entering the cave. Tom finds that his wife took the shotgun. In a badass moment Tom’s wife says she’ll see the Venusian in hell and starts shooting it. The Venusian kill her and Tom hears the whole thing over the radio.

This breaks him and he betrays the Venusian’s side. One of the soldiers finds the Venusian and runs after he fires a few bullet s in it. Paul goes to the base and he kills the two scientists, but the General survives his wound. The military shows up and they search for the Venusian. Tom makes a flamethrower and the men run inside. Then general takes another jeep and drives off. This time Paul kills the general. Makes me wonder why he didn’t die the first time. Tom them ROASTS THE CONTROLLED COP TO DEATH WITH HIS FLAMETHROWER! Seeing a man try CQC with the Venusian is pretty damn hilarious. Several of the men are killed and Tom kills the Venusian with the flamethrower as he is strangled.

Paul shows up and delivers one final amazing monologue. “He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature… and, because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection… they find only death… fire… loss… disillusionment… the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside — from man himself.” The end.
Opening skit is Crow acting like a ventriloquist dummy with Joel. For the invention exchange the Mads create instant hanged men costumes, and Joel demonstrates the Sony Seaman, which imitates the soothing sounds of the ocean. Both are pretty funny. Next skit is Joel and the Bots do their own version of the winter sports seen in the short. Pretty funny. Then Joel and the bots do a very rude version of the drinking scene. Pretty funny actually. Fourth skit is Joel and the Bots sing the “Celebrity Siblings Song” when the bots admit confusion over the relation of James Arness and Peter Graves. For those who don’t know James Arness is Peter Graves are brothers, but Peter changed his last name to build up his own fame. Kind of like a reverse Martin Sheen and Joe Estevez. Whose Joe Estavez? You will learn his name. Weakest skit. The closing skit is Joel, the bots, Dr. F, and TV’s Frank listening to Paul’s speech. The credits are Paul’s speech as well. I’ll admit it is a damn good speech. From my skimming through the MST3K Amazing Colossal Episode Guide it seems this is one of the movies they really liked. They loved Beverly Garland (playing Tom’s wife), but the low point was the monster. I agree. This was really good! If they had gotten a better effect I would not hesitate to say this should be one of the best monster movies of the 50s. The story is fantastic and everyone is (most of the time) wise to their situation. Peter Graves’ many, many monologues are VERY good especially the last one. Episode wise it was a very funny one and I say to watch it!
Episode Rating – 9/10
Movie Rating – 9/10
Favorite Riff – “He holds the worlds fate in his hand and he can’t drive a stick.” & ‘The days of people making fun of me are over.’ “You shall bow down before me!”
Stinger – “He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature…”
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eul_X5s2y3Y
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vD-Z56Px_k