Tis a teensploitation. One of many we’ll see on the show. Starts with a guy in his mid twenties playing a teen. Typical for this genre. He’s running from the cops, but he is caught and dragged back to where he was fleeing. Okay to the start of the movie and…Two teens skinny-dipping. Then a cop shows up and refuses to turn around or leave, as they have to get out…Well this just took an awful start who’s with me? Also creepily smile, sneering through his cigar, and demanding that they get out. Jesus Christ people complain about cops now! Also the romantic saxophone in the background, the cop being disappointed when they have their clothes on, the creepy smiling! Jesus! Does this movie want me to be uncomfortable within the first two minutes? Yes this is only the first two minutes. I feel some hurting coming along very soon. So he arrests them. Something tells me he will rape them halfway along the trip. So they get brought to a courtroom and are sentenced to either thirty days confinement in jail or work at a farm. Sure they’ll be paid at the farm, but it’s long, manual, labor in the sun. Eh…I’d flip a coin. They decide to work the farm. This is unwise, as we’ll soon see. Also before they leave the judge’s son arrives from the navy and we see him. They meet the leader of the farm and oh god I’m getting bad feelings from him too. I’m sorry, but…I’m just getting this feeling from the creepy cop who spies on teenage girls and the plantation owner who calls a teenage girl “Baby” in a suggestive manner. Just because he’s bugging the SOL crew, and me what the hell is up with the guy bouncing around in the scene. So then the plantation owner fires a guy fro supposedly making out with a worker. This movie wants me to hate it doesn’t it? So plantation owner has a girl as a housekeeper and has her go back to picking cotton. Then she tries to seduce him into staying…This movie DOES want me to hate it! Cut to one of the girls singing for a few minutes. Sure it’s all right singing, but it’s nothing special.

Some guy shoves on the house girl and he also starts staring creepily at the underwear and towel clad underage girls. Is every male in this movie a creep!? Minor note, until the camera was practically right next to this sign that said, “Don’t spit on floor” I honestly thought it said, “Don’t shit on floor”. So they argue a bit and we see that the guys are peeping through their wall! Not gonna say anything about this one. At least they COULD be the same age! Then the house girl and the guitar-playing sister get into an argument and start fighting. One of the girls sprays some cream in the peephole right into the dude’s eye. Good! He is now possibly blind. The plantation owner breaks the fight up and now house & guitar girl are friends due to how tough they are. Okay. The judge’s son shows up and gets a job at the plantation. He starts driving a tractor. The plantation owner argues with some other owners. The people are unhappy and then some guy starts singing! Please shut up. Oh good god please stop! The singing is fine, but the lyrics are so…bland. “You won’t make a cotton picker out of me!” For almost three minutes! Thankfully one of the hands tells them to stop. The judge’s son finds guitar girl passed out and she almost got heat stroke. The hand frightfully says he’ll get a doctor, because I think if he does the plantation owner is going to whip him. So the plantation owner and the judge are dating. So yeah the plantation owner is a tyrant. He wants a monopoly for cotton and he is paying them only 0.75 cents a day, after taking money away from food and living costs. You know we had a word for something like that if you just take away that pay. Ownership? No….oh right SLAVERY! This movie is physically uncomfortable to watch. So they never did get a doctor for the girl. Some talking then almost immediately they slam cut to a girl dancing and flashes her underwear at the camera. Oh no less than four times! I know it’s exploitation, but I’m expecting them to go around topless at one scene. No make that five times. So they party…and party….for the next five minutes. If I leave and make a sandwich I doubt I’d miss anything. So thankfully Chef Party-Killer turns their music off and makes some of them wash dishes. They’re promised pie for their work so they say ‘Hell yeah’ in 50’s slang. Then eh sadly turns the music and partying back on. More and more partying and…oh good god more singing. Did I put on a musical!? I like musicals, but I don’t like this kind of movie. I don’t like the old 50’s singing and music. Never appealed to me. I’m more of a folk rock, film/video game soundtrack, 80’s – Early 2000’s rock, and some emo music. Why am I going on about my music taste? Cause the song is about three minutes long and Chef Fun-Killer (He kills my fun!) telling her that she should be in a recording studio and not in a plantation.

He then tells them about TV. Can this scene please, please end?! So he calls up the PO and tells him about the singing. He tells him to send her right up. I am fearful of what is to come. Guitar and Singing girl argue for a bit and Singing girl doesn’t listen to Guitar girl. Two dudes complain about the food and I just realized that one of the guys is the perv who got cream in the eye. Glad to see he recovered. We then see the judge’s son sifting through the trash for food and is disappointed when he only finds empty cans. Man if the food is that bad you are resorting to looking through the trash then I will take jail. Well that’s a thing. So guitar girl meets judge’s son and he says she hasn’t been back for an hour and a half. “Well you can’t be this naive. I didn’t call for you to come up here to sing!” RAPIST! That’s exactly how the scene starts! Good lord that’s so creepy!

So thankfully the dogs distract him to answer the door. During this singing girl sneaks, so he sets his dogs lose. I guess she teleports onto a roof, while the dog chaser her. Cuts to GOD! More partying footage! We’ve seen more party and singing footage in this movie than there was footage of Slime People in well…Slime People. The party is shut down and we learn that one of the girl’s might be a stripper. Then we cut to plantation owner and the judge making out in a car. More farming footage! So I just learned that judge’s son was named Bob. Typical 50’s hero name. Singer girl passes out again so Bob (I think it’s him) brings her to a hospital. And…she’s dead. She was apparently five months pregnant and died of a hemorrhage. That took a very dark turn. Cut to Bob and the judge and he is telling everything terrible to his mom. Turns out the food they were eating were canned dog food. Makes sense. I’d sift through the garbage after that too. I was honestly expecting a musical stinger when she admits she married the plantation owner. I thought they were just dating. Not that they were married. She breaks down crying and she sends her cop to the area. Also…turns out it wasn’t singer girl. Looked like her. Now we see Guitar sister and singer girl standing right next to each other. Odd…Well anyway Guitar girl and Bob talk about how they want to be together and start making out. So guitar girl tells the judge everything awful about the farm, including the attempted molestation on her sister. So we go from that scene to…ugh…more singing and partying. Once again its just a girl singing a bad song decently. Skip this scene. She is pulled out by Bob and we cut to an floor shot of guitar girl and the judge driving. So some other girl is singing now! We just had a scene of them singing! Now the plantation owner is talking to some Spanish-speaking guy. I guess another plantation owner. Bob gets a Spanish-speaking girl and they hire him I think. This movie just has all bad hallmarks of a plantation movie. Exploitation on kids and Mexicans. All that’s missing is a group of black people being mistreated.

A lack of images has made me put this up here

They get caught and are going to be taken to the Mexican border and ‘taken care of’. Ah 50’s. Villains used to be so one sided. Then all the kids show up with farming equipment and get ready to attack anyone. So a guy pulls out a gun and starts shooting up in the air. The judge breaks it up, but Mexican guy drives off and intro a wall. Oh and don’t expect them to dance around some racism. Bob flat out says, “This coyote was gonna bring 300 wetbacks with phony permits on them!” Lets not beat around the bush here. So everyone is sent back to the courthouse. AND GUESS WHAT? We’re working in one last song! This one is a very stereotypical mariachi band paying on TV and Singing girl is now decently singing terrible songs on TV. This movie had to give me one last reason to hate it! Watching her dancing and listening to her songs this whole time I think she has a good chance of being a stripper in the future. I’m kidding actually. The last song “Go Calypso Go” is actually pretty good. It has a good beat, the singing is good, good acoustics considering the song, and the lyrics are kind of entertaining.

So guitar girl and Bob hook up at the end. Then the end! Thankfully Daddy-O was never said once.

The invention exchange is a Neverlight Pipe for Joel. Just a pipe that puts itself out whenever you light it. The Mads made Tongue Puppets. Puppets that go on your tongue. Yawn. Next skit is about Greg Brady from Brady Bunch. It’s a terrible skit. Not funny and incoherent. Next skit is doing the mind of Gypsy. The skit is odd, but to late. This is the first time we get an explanation for what Gypsy does and we’re two episodes way from Season One’s ending. She’s thinking of Richard Basehart and ram chips. Unfunny. Next skit is Gypsy regurgitating stuff like cotton, taffy, paper towels, and another Tom Servo. Eh. Not funny. This movie just wanted me to hate it! The whole movie was long, dull, and slow as molasses. The movie was also extremely creepy. Most of the movie made me extremely uncomfortable. You know that feeling where you just can’t get comfortable on the chair no matter how much you adjust yourself of try to get comfortable. That’s what’s this experience was like. The riffing wasn’t that funny either. There was the occasional one, but nothing special. This is one I really wouldn’t recommend to anyone, but to completionists like me.

Episode Rating – 1/10

Movie Rating – 1/10

Favorite Riff – ‘I just learned the conditions you were all living in’ “I read your contracts I can’t believe you all agreed to this!”

Possible Stinger – The creepy cop peeping on the girls.

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UInllOhJT-0

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSXIUC0KxgQ