Sadly it’s Commando Cody first. In our last “exciting: episode we saw a thug knock Cody over a cliff with a football-sized rock. This episode starts with Cody turning on his jet pack and flying off before he hits the bottom. Who is surprised? Krog has his thugs go back to their previous activity of blowing up troop trains with their ray gun while Cody and Ted go out to stop them in a rented plane. The thugs aim their ray gun upwards and blast the plane out of the sky. The end? Sadly we have two today. Chapter 8 begins with footage of Cody and Ted leaping from the plane at the last minute, escaping unharmed. Once again who is surprised? They give up on trying to track down the thugs despite the fact that they have the laser! Are they just withholding footage from us? Like usual? Instead, they return to the moon, hoping to steal Lunarium (The element that powers the gun). Cody captures a Moon Man on patrol and takes him back to his ship. The Moon Man proves compliant, trading valuable information and his uniform for a meal cooked by Cody’s lovely lady friend. Cody manages to steal some Lunarium and get away with it in a tank made of plywood. The Moon Men pursue them in a deadly plywood contraption of their own. They force Cody and Ted into the rocks. Ted escapes, but the Moon Men blow up the tank while Cody’s still inside. The end? Once again no. By this time the formula of withholding escape footage has long over stayed it’s welcome!

The movie starts with text crawl saying that in1954 and the US decided to make a base on the moon! They finished in the futuristic year old 1970 (I love the expectations of old movies), but the Commies were working to destroy it. Some guy briefs us on the evil plan and how the Commies want to destroy it the space station and spy on them. They set up spy equipment in one of the rooms and…that’s it. This movie has an odd immediate focus on the villains. Are we sure it’s not about the Americans trying to take out the Commies? The guy asks for help with his bags from the front desk and like an idiot the spy immediately walks in instead of waiting for a few minutes and knocking out the real helper. They nock him out and take his stuff before one of the Commies impersonates him. The Commie impersonator is brought to the spaceport and is about to be briefed. Some people talk and a Tom Hanks look alike delivers a message. Apparently in the order a US Colonel named Briteis (Pronounced Bright-eyes) is going to be in control of the entire flight as appointed by the president. One of the guys makes the other guy co-pilot, which upsets him. They could just talk to the government and make a complaint/request, but that’ll take time! The actual reason they use. Briteis is brought in with another person and…Briteis is a woman? Actually no, it’s just a reporter. I’m fully expecting Briteis to be just like Calvin from Slime People considering how much people are upset by his presence. Turns out Briteis is actually a woman. Shocking….just….well…It’s the 50’s. I didn’t expect this.

Briteis in the middle

As shown very quickly Briteis sucks at her job and complains that Moore (the guy assigned as the co-pilot) doesn’t like her and shouldn’t be on the crew, despite him being one of the best pilots. The General promptly puts her in her place when she complains some more. This movie does not settle well with me. The General gives the meeting to Briteis, the Commie impersonator, the reporter, and his cue cards (he is obviously reading off of) about the meaning of the mission and how it’ll be done. The crew gets ready to blast off and Major Moore acts like a misogynist to Briteis because it was written in the 50’s. They blast off and the dudes scream a bunch as Briteis makes an orgasm face.

They arrive on the space station and they spice footage together so a guy walks on the ceiling and Briteis & Moore are on the wall when they talk to the superiors. The sign please don’t walk on walls makes me laugh. Every sign has a story so did some guy walk along the wall and he accidentally stepped on a window, broke it, killed himself and several other people?

They leave on another ship to take photos of the moon. Where did the Commie go? Oh he just warped on and is learning about the ship he’s going to take over and crash. He goes to press a button, but Moore calls him out on that he shouldn’t be doing that. Briteis make a joke about him not liking people touch his stuff, but he is right. A scientist untrained in piloting matters shouldn’t be playing with piloting controls. Idiot. She’s practically teaching the guy the ups and downs of the ship. I’m surprised she didn’t tell him the self-destruct button location. Moore immediate calls his bluff by brining up the Brooklyn Dodgers because the real doctor taught in Brooklyn, and they didn’t bother to give him background info about the guy he was impersonating. Everyone is stupid! No wonder the Soviet Union collapsed. Moore informs Briteis about this and she thinks he’s crazy until the Commie attack Moore, making Briteis slip her hand onto the controls making the ship accelerate and waste fuel. Then she faints…I think. Great commander. Did she sleep around to get this position? The film goes into slow motion and this seems like it’s just there to pad out the film. They get closer and closer to the moon…THEN THEY CRASH AND THEY ALL DIE!

Sadly not. They land safely and Brities has yet to do anything worthy of her position. Briteis sucks at her job. She’s supposed to be in charge and superior, but she can’t handle any scenario. Feeds info to a Commie spy like a treat to a kitten, disrespects the clearly more skilled co-pilot, and has shown to have the worst attitude for a leader. Constantly complaining and not listening to her underling. They can’t contact the base because of reasons and they are several hundred or thousand miles off course. Moore grabs the Commie and has him help with him setting up a distress beacon outside. So clad in their Commando Cody outfits they traverse the moon and set up the beacons. The Commie slips, breaks his mask, and dies. Somehow Moore is already out of air and is dying. He is able to get back up. Briteis is unable to contact the people until Moore recommends that she change the frequency channel. She does and it works. (Slams hands down on laptop and walks off.) That’s the sound of me giving up on this movie and leaving. They could not have gotten a worse leader for this operation. Their boss makes them the first lunar base and when their boss has a personal message for Moore and asks Briteis to give them some privacy she’s about to give him a complaint and attitude. (Strokes temples.) The only way they could have made her less qualified for a leadership role is if she was a toddler who had a speech impediment.

She doesn’t listen to orders, she complains when someone gives her orders she doesn’t like, and doesn’t get along well with anyone on screen. Hell when her character if first announced no one is happy about it! The president wants Briteis and Moore to get married. WHAT! (Frustratedly pulls hair from head and screams into my arm!) They are seriously prying into their personal lives and forces the two of them to get married! God 1950’s I know your relationship with women sucks, but this is one of the worst offenders of this! The only way it would worse is if he rapes her and she falls in love with him during it! I HATE THIS!!! Briteis hates him in the beginning and now she love him!? Hell Moore still doesn’t like her. Shouldn’t work and personal life not be mixed? Living together alone shouldn’t force a couple to get married! These characters have no backstory so Moore could have been in a relationship during the events of this! Calm down Jake only five more minutes left! A ship of supplies lands and immediate tips over when it arrives on the surface. “Bill it landed!” Crashed is the proper turn Colonel Dumbass.

Look closely for stagehand’s hand

I swear to god if one of those items is a dress it’s going in the worst list no matter what. They get married and Briteis makes a request to have Moore be a higher rank than her. Finally some sense! Give the good ranks to the person who is qualified to be a pilot! The president wants to talk to them and it’s a good thing they got President Richard Nixon to approve of this eve- Oh…a woman. So President Rachel Nixie gives Moore his rank and I believe that our female president made Briteis the leader of the operation because they were both women instead of the capable guy they had in charge of it at first! Yeah that may sound mean and sexist, but you know something. It’s the 50’s and considering how Briteis is written as a spoiled, incompetent, unprofessional, brat I wouldn’t be surprised!

The invention exchange is water juggling for Joel and insert-a-sketch (Etch-a-sketch parody) for the Mads. Both suck. The next skit is Tom, Joel, and Crow playing pretend as they pretend they are Cody, Ted, and Krog. Tom is Cody so he can fly, Joel is Ted, and Crow is Krog, but he wants to be Cody so he can fly around too. I like this skit. Makes me nostalgic of doing stuff like this with my brother, dad, and friends, but with Lord of the Rings, Pokemon, and Star Wars. The next skit is about how the ties are cut very short in the movie and how else they’ll be changing. Such as the full body tie, the anit-gravitie, the napkin tie, and an endless tie. As an avid tie fan and wearer I support this skit. It made me chuckle a few times. Last skit is fake goop called SPACOM named after the space organization name. It’s based off those terrible commercials for goofy multi-tools. Not funny. The problem with Commando Cody is that every episode is the same! Show the text crawl, show the real ending of last episode, he flies, beats people up, cut to aliens, cut to talking, action seen, cliffhanger ending. There’s a fine line between copying and being formulaic. It would also be one thing if the shorts were actually entertaining. They haven’t aged well for me because I know that Cody and pals will always live on. Main character eight times out of ten shall live to the end. You know my feelings about it already, but it bears repeating. Compared to later science fiction works, where women are full-fledged professionals, this movie portrays Briteis, as a nice but incompetent female who is easily frightened and turns to Major Moore as soon as things become dangerous. Why bother making her in charge if she sucks at her job. Oh right female President, probably some bias involved. I hated this movie so goddamn much! The effects, writing, plot, and logic were so bad even for 50’s crappy sci-fi standards and I love this genre! The episode also sucks with poor jokes and the only funny ones are the okay physical humor jokes.

Episode Rating – 0/10

Movie Rating – 0/10

Favorite Riff – (The physical humor of holding up the General’s cue cards)

Possible Stinger – The ship tipping over and Briteis saying, “Bill it landed!”

Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coLd_A_d7Mw

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FONTnIPCw0