Okay the movie starts with the credits and we see that it stars Alan Hale Jr. (Skipper from Gilligan’s Island) and the lovely Allison Hayes (B-movie babe). This could be all right. Okay so the credits are in space, but an astronaut is looking out that space window. So does he see those credits? Then he starts begging from command to hear him. Is he upset the credits were over? So something goes wrong and down on Earth some guy is complaining to his secretary about the failure and lack of contact. This guy is reasonably upset. He leaves and talks to a few other guys. Then it randomly cuts back to the secretary sitting there and back to them without a word. Thank god we know she’s doing her job. They do the same thing again! What’s with the editing? They’re talking about the astronauts cracking under solitude, but that’s apparently not the case. There’s also a countdown to when he runs out of oxygen. When it runs out the original guy slams the table and it cuts to the girl and back to the men. One of the other people leave and it does the girl few second cut again. The other two guys talk and they find that the guy has survived for twenty minutes without air. He’s freaking out and wants to press the red button. He wants to kill people and he seems to have given acting lessons to Shatner. They press the red (technically gray) button and he explodes. Cut to a swinging 60’s club where teens are drinking, dancing, and played by 30 year olds. Oh and they’re not allowed to either dance or act. Two girls are talking about girl stuff and one the waiter talks about the explosion in the sky. They laugh an- Oh I guess we’re done with that scene okay. Cut to some guy named Paul driving down the street. He enters the same club and starts talking to the girls. So Paul and the blonde girl are dating and can’t act. It’s also apparently Christmas. They leave and…Bird’s the Word is playing in the background. No joke, no comment on the film, just….Bird’s the Word is playing. Okay I don’t think this waiter hasn’t had fun since WW2. Okay so the couple stops at the beach, play around, and make out. Thank god 30 year olds are playing these teens getting dressed on camera or else this would be massively illegal! So they go swimming and in the sand…is a piece of the spaceship! Aaaaah! They play around some more and then before they can get down and dirty they find the astronaut’s arm! Less aaaaaaah worthy. The guy doesn’t want to report the lost arm because….uh…stupid screenwriting? He leaves and drives back later to get the arm because….reasons! The guy from before (named Steve) and the good doctor talk about spaceship problems. So a radioactive rat can open regular locks and thinks now. That’s the explanation for the arm moving later. Oh god this next shot. It just shakes the camera back and forth to emulate the arm moving and knocking stuff over. Goody. So Paul’s mom goes down with a gun and blames it on the cat. What follows is a long boring scene of the arm moving, Pal sleeping, his mom waking up, drinking, going back to sleep, and repeating the process. Until the arm FINALLY lashes out and kills the mom. Paul wakes up finds his dead mom and calls the cops. This is why he should have reported the goddamn arm and not wrap it up in his closet! The cops show up and they question Paul. They leave and the arm finally strangles his dumb ass! The paramedics arrive and when they bring the dead body they find Paul. SADLY he’s alive! He runs out of the truck screaming and the paramedics don’t follow him. Everyone in this movie is a dumbass. Slam cut to the other guy shouting at Steve and his pal about him going foreword with another spaceship after the last two failures. I just realized something. Allison is only in like two scenes! Slam cut to plane, and then slam cut to Paul running down the street. He runs back into his house and he finds the sheriff waiting for him. Paul is an idiot. He takes the arm home, refuses help from doctors, and refuses help from the cops! He’s not in trouble for anything. Paul pulls out a recorder and he starts monologuing. Apparently he’s a lone wolf who wanted all the credit to himself. No he’s just an idiot. Also he almost gave Shatner a run for his money. He looks like he’s about to drop dead at any moment. Then he gets double black eyes so is he a zombie now? Steve and his buddy show up and want permission to search the house, but the officer obviously tells them to piss off. Paul leaves the two dudes a note saying he’ll talk to them that night. His girlfriend shows up to see if he’s okay, but he tells her to get out of the house (Many times!). Steve and pal show up at night and they find radioactivity on the shelf and ceiling. Then Paul attacks them and runs off! Then the cop doesn’t even notice! Will someone please shoot him! UGH!!! Paul runs to the club and almost kills the waiter to Bird is the Word. He snaps out of it and runs off. The females talk about Paul and they never once bring up how dumb he is. Paul shows up as the other girl leaves. He talks about how he’s going to go away after he says goodbye and maybe destroys the hand. He claims the waiter is the only person he could have relied on, but they’ve never interacted. He turns crazy again and almost kills her, but doesn’t. Steve and pal are arrested for trespassing and they keep telling the cops, “Chase Paul! He’s dangerous!” They arrive at the girl’s house and she says it was the hand that did it! Which we haven’t seen in lord knows how long! Paul runs home and finds the hand, then drives off. Paul drives fast with the cops chasing him and the hand (I kid you not) crawls out of the trunk, into the back seat and strangles Paul. Paul parks (not crashes, parks) into a garbage dumb and fights with the arm. It’s a dumb scene that goes on far too long. They catch up to him and the sheriff pulls a gun on Paul and says if he doesn’t come he’ll shoot. Steve says he’s just a kid and Sheriff reminds him that he almost killed three maybe four people. YES! KILL PAUL! ‘I don’t want to hurt you Paul’ I DO KILL HIM! Then- WHAT? Two cats just start fighting! Then they EAT THE ARM! WHAT!? Then Paul passes out and they say have to bring him to a hospital. NO! HE WAS ALMOST SHOT! PUT A BULLET IN HIM AND SAY IT WAS SELF DEFENSE! YOU ARE THE LAW! They say Paul is going to be just fine and it ends!

The invention exchange is the safety saw that turns off when your body is near it for Joel. He did a funny gag where he used fake fingers and cut them off much to the shock for the Mads. Dr. F’s is the limb lengthener. First skit is bowling. Funny (Sarcasm). Okay this next skit is funny. Fake hands are strangling them and they do Shatner impressions. This is funny solely because I love Shatner impressions. Next skit is Crow talking about how the killer arm isn’t scary, but a giant fake hand attacks him. I hated this movie and episode. The riffs are barely funny; it drags at a long pace, and I HATED Paul. He is so poorly acted and written that he is one of the most unlikeable hero characters I’ve seen in a while. He brought all of it on himself and he is the reason his mom died, and all those others almost died! If he just reported it there would be no issue! GOOD LORD I WAS PROMISED ALLISON HAYES AND A KILLER HAND AND I DIDN’T GET IT! The hand should have killed people and ended with the cats eating it! PAUL SHOULD HAVE DIED SECOND!!! AND MORE ALLISON HAYES!

Episode Rating – 0/10

Movie Rating – 0/10

Favorite Riff – None

Possible Stinger – Paul getting strangled.

Episode –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQsQFijFRkg

Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpZSe4tDphE