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Now the movie. This apparently the third movie in the franchise! Shocking I know. So the Doctor gives us a primer on what happened in the previous two movies. There are some legendary Aztec treasures and no one believed in them. So he hypnotized a girl so she would dream about her previous Aztec life. So the girl was a special maiden who had to stay a virgin, but she loved an Aztec warrior. So he was buried alive and cursed for eternity. So after using stock footage for like five minutes they finally say she was sacrificed, while wearing the sacred Aztec stuff. She then gets her heart cut out and the girl wakes up screaming and they thought she died. She got better and they look around the ruins as the play more stock footage. Jesus it already has more stock footage than a Godzilla movie! They reach the bottom of the temple and they find the girl’s former body with shockingly good lighting for being at the bottom of a burial tomb. They steal the golden breastplate and leave I guess. 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They go start to go back for him, but he tosses a stick of dynamite in a nearby fire and kills himself to bury the mummy in rubble. Apparently there was an informant that was involved and escaped from prison, captured the Aztec future girl and the doctor’s daughter. Say it with me here this triggers another goddamn flashback! The doctor does a thing involving the mummy for the informant and instead of setting them free he tries to kill them for outliving their usefulness. Then the mummy swoops in to save them! Somehow! It pushes a guy and he breaks down and cries. Hilarious. Watch the mummy flip tables! Also hilarious. Then the mummy carries the informant off and throws him into a pit conveniently filled with rattlesnakes. Then he walks off with his crap. Some cops investigate the informant’s hideout and everything and everyone is gone! Apparently the informant survived rattlesnakes and got away in a secret compartment. Okay then they go back to real time then just jump cut to another flashback! This time it shows that the informant has psychic powers to make the other girl walk out to his car. He uses her to find the mummy and they drive off. They go to a graveyard and look for the mummy, but are held up by a Mexican grave keeper. Whom the informant’s bodyguard promptly knocks out. He was pointless. They find the grave with the mummy and they threaten to destroy the body. So apparently the guy who was pushed fell on some chemicals and burned his face. Cause science! He wants the stuff first, and then the guy can kill the mummy. Why doesn’t he just destroy him then take the stuff? They do realize they can’t fight him so they withdraw for the moment. So they bring the girl back to the house and…Wait…was that last scene just a flashback or no? It really did seem like one! They jump cut to the girl walking down the stairs to the house and they have breakfast! Was that last scene a flashback?! HOLY CRAP THAT WAS NEW FOOTAGE AND NOT JUST TAKEN FROM THE FIRST TWO! HALLELUJAH!!! So they come to the conclusion that the informant (now called the Bat) has taken over her body to find the mummy. They are right. So they analyze the mud on her slippers to find out where she was. Apparently they have to be discrete about it for some reason. They find out she did indeed go to the crypt! The good doctor goes to investigate and after two minutes of wandering aimlessly they are relieved to find that the treasures are still there. WAIT! THAT WAS STILL A FLASHBACK! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Uh…Okay then they reveal that Bat had stole a body and a brain. They doctor and some other guy goes searching for Bat’s hideout and its super scientific. The sneak in, but are caught by melt face guy. They are brought to Bat who explains his evil plan. Make a robot to fight the mummy and defeat him so he can take the artifacts for himself. A lighter and gasoline would be much easier. 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The invention exchange is the Chalkman a record player that plays nails on a chalkboard. Joel’s is airbag helmet. Dull. Dr. Forester’s was better. The short is not my taste. Sure I love Campy Sci-Fi, but I don’t like the old serials. The sketches aren’t funny. A bunch of red fish bones called Demon Dogs attack the SOL and pee on them. This goes on for all the sketches. This movie sucks! It’s 80% stock footage and you only see the Robot for like the last ten minutes. This is like watching the series re-cap to a TV series you’ve never seen before. The robot effect is garbage as well. I shouldn’t have even been made. The riffs aren’t even that funny. Only a few jokes made me laugh out loud and only a bit more made me chuckle or smirk. Nothing makes sense! Don’t watch it!
Episode Rating – 2/10
Movie Rating – 1/10
Favorite Riff – ‘Flora’s father held a cross in his face’ “Which is odd considering he’s Jewish.”
Possible Stinger – Robot walking around aimlessly as they watch.
Episode – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERXD-SHbwyU
Trailer – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhsFAt9ju2o Spliced in with a much better movie.
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